WIY:
I don’t know what extremes I went to. I agree with your post 100%. Guys can be in yeshiva, stay in the coffee room all day, and they’ll be known as a “learner.” Like you said, I don’t think the slackers deserve the good girls who want serious learners.
From what I’ve dealt with,
Forever learning = long term learning (you’re right WIY, not no learning – sorry)
Long term learning = 5 years learning
5 years learning – 2 years learning
2 years learning – work the day after sheva brachos.
I can be totally off and I’m sure some guy will come and say he means it when he says 5 years learning but this is my experience.