Reply To: Time For Truth: Why Won't You Date A Ba'alas Teshuva?

Home Forums Shidduchim Time For Truth: Why Won't You Date A Ba'alas Teshuva? Reply To: Time For Truth: Why Won't You Date A Ba'alas Teshuva?

#709992
tzippi
Member

Many BTs know hilchos kashrus and other basic halachos much better than FFBs as they had to learn it systematically, whereas the schools the FFBs went to assumed the kids would learn it through osmosis.

Many BTs come from lovely families, warm people who would make lovely machutanim and grandparents.

HOWEVER, you may want to listen to a tape series from Rabbi Braun of Ohr Sameach on shidduchim. He asserts that for many BTs, depending on their background, a typical FFB might not be best for them. Not that they need to look for someone with the identical issues they’re facing, but they may do best with someone who him/herself has had some transformative experience, etc., a little more depth if you will. (This may also apply to kids who went OTD for a while, or “took a little detour”, IMO; but note the word “may”.)

I will confess, as a parent, one concern is if a BT had “experience”. My kid might not (again, might) be able to handle going into a relationship with someone who’s had such experience. And people might also be concerned that you might have done some experimenting, even mild, that could come back to bite you. I don’t know who you’re dealing with as far as mentors, shadchanim, references, but you want to make sure you have a handler who can discreetly and skillfully answer any questions the other side may have. You still have a right to privacy, no one is entitled to know every detail of your life, but they do have a right to be sure you’re safe and to know some general history. (And this also applies to FFBs who’ve been out of the system for a time and come back.)

What kind of IRL mentoring and support are you getting?

Hope none of this was offensive, and all was helpful. Hatzlacha! I don’t have anyone in the parsha at the moment but I’d be proud to call you niece 😉