Most young adults go OTD not out of choice but out of pain. They are usually pushed or shoved OTD by abuse (sexual, verbal or physical), dysfunctial families, loss of a parent or sibling (or someone else close to them) or a dysfunctial school situation. Others who make it through HS go OTD afterward because they followed the rule “fake it till you make it” and those are the ones that didn’t get answers to their questions and found that by the time they graduated they felt like an empty shell filled with useless information. How does this happen?
Mechanchim are not trained to “watch out for” or “notice” kids who are not eager to learn, excited in the subject, participating in the conversations. All they are interested in is that the girls are tznius and the boys have their tzizus out and wear a hat and jacket for davening. The rest involves spitting out what was fed to them. Oh, I almost forgot, wearing their uniform or get sent home for not doing so. Would you like to take a guess as to how many girls are sent home without even the concern that a parent is home when they do? What would happen if that girl never makes it home?
Mechanchim are also not given a Staff Handbook on how they are supposed to “Behave” towards the students, what to look out for, and what to report. Mechanchim are usually not trained in any way and they are not working at this job because they love it or devoted to it. They are working at this job mostly because of its convenience. Part time, close to home, convenient hours, etc.
Ok, I am speaking about most, not ALL because there are absolutely some excellent mechanchim out there, but I have not had the experience of meeting most of you as I have advocated and worked with so many at-risk children in the past, as well as my own childrens’ teachers. Those of you who are excellent mechanchim would sit and cry with me if you heard the stories I could tell you. And not ALL the kids I know or know of have recovered or returned to Yiddishket.
One mother just called this week and told me that her daughter, now 20 with a baby, asked if she married a goy would her mother come to the wedding. Now this young girl at 17 was turned away both by an at-risk institution in my local neighborhood when the Rabbi lied and said that ALL his girls were Shomer Shabbat and a program in Israel which she was sent home from with no return on her $20,000 investment. Both had the opportunity to work with this girl who was so eager at that time to work on herself and change (ripe for the picking as I said) but they wouldn’t give her a second chance. Each of these mechanchim have a huge achrius in her yeridah in the birth of her daughter and what happens to both of them.
So again I say, they can’t judge their achievements by their success they have to also account for their failures.