Not all marriages are perfect! Not all marriages are imperfect. Many marriages go through the waves, the ups and downs, the fights and make-ups, and the fights can be very harsh at times, and the big “D” word comes up quite often. But people still learn to work on the marriage and on themselves the bigger picture because “the commitment to the marriage, to each other, to the kids and the entire family” is bigger and more important than the issue, the fight and whatever the arguments were about that can be put aside, forgiven and put in the past. Sometimes couples can fight like cats and dogs and then calm down to be unrecognizable and fight no more. It is a choice people can make to make the marriage work. A lot has to do with maturity. A lot has to do with what is best for the family. A lot has to do with having bigger regrets if you break up than if you make it work. A lot has to do with realizing the “fight or argument” is not as important as the marriage.
Mostly, it has to do with the realization that Divorce is “Final”. Many people realize that they can’t afford to divorce and that is like throwing a big bucket of ice water in their face, forcing them to look at the reality of the situation and basically growing up to realize how immature and selfish each party has become. Another issue which we used to kid about was the kids. When we got into it, I would kid around with my husband and tell him I didn’t trust him to raise my kids so I have to stay with him. We also joked that we put too much effort into our house and neither wanted to give it up so we were stuck with each other. My friends used to joke that they would get divorced but “neither one wanted the kids” so they were forced to stay together.
Everyone has some issues in their marriage that they either choose to look away from or work on at some point or another. Since I work with the at-risk population and actually had a column in a local paper title “Parents at Risk”, my motto is “Make your marriage work for the sake of your kids” and if you really can’t then “make your divorce work for the sake of the kids” because you “chose” to bring kids into this world and you are obligated to put them at the top of your priority list.