Oomis, I don’t believe in shielding your child from the word “NO”, I believe it is the first word a parent should teach a child along with “I love you sooooooooooo much!”. It is obligatory for parents to teach children right from wrong, the difference between wants and needs, the difference between rights and privileges, the meaning of love and respect, and the necessity of rules and discipline.
Along with that a Jewish parent must teach a child that WE the chosen people must be oved Hashem b’simcha as you said. We will fall and get hurt but we will brush ourselves up and try again. Things will hurt us but we will persevere because Hashem is always by our side and will see us through our toughest challenges. We teach our children that Hashem tests each of us in different ways and we must rise to the challenge even though they are difficult and painful, and yet we must be oved hashem b’simcha.
However, through it all we must protect our self-esteem and self-confidence and not allow anyone to destroy it or damage it because that is also a precious gift from Hashem. Ours to own and develop to its highest potential and no one has the right to encroach upon it. Those qualities is what makes us the good Jews that we are. It is those qualities that allow us to stand up to adversity and to the other nations and say “We are the chosen people”. If we let others from within our own community take that away from us, then what is left? Who are we? Who do we become? We are nobody, we are a shell of a human being. We become OTD with no connection to our Torah and mitzvos. We look for shtusim to make ourselves feel better. We look for sedatives to numb our pain and loss. We float in a sea of nothingness searching for that strength to catch hold of that old peace and sense of security.