SJS, sorry in my previous post I used a patroninzing tone that I hate when others use for me.
Sorry about that.
But you get my drift. I think that celebrating an occasion does give kids a feeling of how important the occasion is.
Its important to stress the importance of the Bar Mitzvah (and even Bat Mitzvah) to your kids properly. Its a coming of age event for all kids – whether or not you celebrate it.
Whether or not you think it’s important, your kids will not get that, even if you explain the concept till your blue in your face. You need to prove to your kids that it’s important to you.
If all they see that you are spending money for a nice kitchen (hatzlocha with the remodeling and use it gezunterheit), vacations, etc. they’ll assume that that is what’s important. The bar mitzvah will be lip service. With kids (and ourselves), it’s not about the talking and explaining. It’s about the action.