Mtornek, You sound like you are in a lot of pain. I understand your pain because I have parents like that who expected their kids to turn out perfect but had no tools as far as chinuch is concerned. They are now blaming the system, the rebbeim and everyone else around them. It is so much easier to blame things on others such as a teacher than to take the blame on ourselves. Who wants to say that my kid turned out messed up because of me?
By the way, as a working mother myself, I know that I can give my children plenty of attention, love and quality time. It is not the quantity so much as the quality! My mother was a stay at home mom and it did not make a positive impact at all.