Anon, A husband should ASK if he doesn’t know. Just as he would ask a shailah in yeshiva, if he is confused at home he should ask what is wrong, what is bothering his wife, what he can do to help, etc.
Rebbetzin, maybe that is something that needs to be taught in chosson/kallah shiurim. Obviously people grow, evolve and mature with age and they also change with circumstance and challenge. People make choices according to their need and variables. Kids need to be taught that as they evolve as a couple and grow as a family they will be faced with challenges and they might have to review their choices. It is not an aveirah to change one’s mind or make a different choice according to one’s situation. Agreements need to be discussed and re-evaluated at various intervals to make sure they are still applicable and are still working for both partners. Shalom Bayis has to be the top priority for the health and success of the entire family.
As for a wife putting themselves out a bit for the sake of what their husband’s love, that is a two way street and husbands have to do the same for their wives. Maybe moreso in this type of situation because they should be showing hakaros hatov, gratitude and appreciation for all the time and opportunity their wives gave them while the wives carried their responsibility of being mepharnes the family and allowed them the luxury of learning Torah.