political correctness is just an excuse for people to brush off their flaws. as for the first post. why do people get defensive? because they dont want to change. they dont want to admit that they are wrong. people like laboring under the delusion that they are perfect and that everyone else around them is flawed. therefore when someone tries giving them mussar, and tries to make them realize that they are flawed just the same, they feel the need to drag someone else down with them. misery likes company.
of course, the argument that “you are flawed so dont talk about me” is completely invalid. one person’s flaws has no bearing on another’s. suppose i am a mechallel chabbos, but i never speak ill of another, and you are a medakdek in hilchos shabbos, but you run your mouth like a fire hose, i am fully qualified to give you mussar. true, i have things i have to change, but that does not change the fact that you do as well.
when debating with someone, and many times mussar turns into a debate, you are supposed to be dispassionate, and removed from th eargument. the argument is supposed to be completely abstract. specifics, and nitpicks only get in the way of the focus, and purpose of the debate. personal attacks hinder the true reason for the debate, and this is very counter-productive. none of us are perfect. everyone has to realize that, and the sooner people do, the sooner people become aware of their own flaws, the sooner they become aware that they are CAPABLE of being flawed, and the sooner they become aware that the flaws of others has no bearing on their own flaws, they will improve.
i was recently arguing with a person about one of their flaws. it did not start as an argument, but it soon progressed to one. the argument was about her tendency to dismiss people, and their ideas without considering them. almost as if they werent worthy of her attention. when i confronted her about this, she got very offended, and started attacking me and pointing out her flaws. it took half an hour, but finally i got her to realize that my flaws were irrelevant as far as her’s were concerned. in fact, for a while she actually changed. she regressed later…but that’s irrelevant. for a time she changed. because she was able to realize that she was flawed, that all of us are flawed, and that she will never change as a person if she continues to disregard the rebuke of the flawed.
we need to get over ourselves. none of us are perfect, and none of us will ever BE perfect. we all have flaws. roshei yeshivos have flaws. menahalim have flaws. gedolei hador have flaws. rabbonim, marah d’asrahs maggidei shiur, they ALL have flaws. are we not to accept their mussar because of it? of course we will accept it! then why not from our fellow man? why not from our peers? because it hurts our egos? we need to get over ourselves or we will never improve.