moish – i have another idea for you, why don’t you start by trying out camp this summer, in camp they are alot less judgmental, and you can get a job that doesn’t matter what color shirt you wear or how many hours you sit and shteig…and in camp you can get close to someone who can help you in person(instead of via cyberspace)because they probably have connections to whole bunch of yeshivas and if you would go to a camp where noone knows you, you can get a fresh start
