it depends on how old and mature they are. If they are young, then they are safer being connected to someone who knows them and can guide them in a Torahdik way. Usually, this is how it works, even if the parents agree, that the boy or girl discuss a shidduch that they are serious about with a Torahdik person,
One could argue that if they aren’t old and mature enough to know what they want in a potential spouse, then perhaps they aren’t ready to be married at all.
The only point that I am suggesting is that before a person redts a shidduch to a young, immature, and temimusdik boy or girl without parental approval or consent, to realize that this is a heavy achrayus – the shadchan, friends, etc. walk away from it after the chuppah, but the ones left coping with the outcome of the decsions are the chosson or kallah themselves, and parents.
One could argue that you should not be redting shidduchim to “young, immature” boys or girls who, due to their youth and immaturity, cannot or will not accept responsibility for their own decisions. If the answer to a young divorce is “it’s the shadchan’s fault” then perhaps the single in question is just not ready for marriage.
Shadchannim can make recommendations, but they ultimately are not responsible for what happens. If a person is too immature to get married, then they should not go to a shadchan or should just say no if one approaches them. No shadchan forces a person to date and no shadchan forces a person down the aisle.
And lastly, once the wedding happens, the shadchan’s job is over — s/he is NOT a marriage counselor.
The Wolf