There was an article in this past week’s Mishpacha of a woman who was describing marrying of her children in the current yeshiva world today. There was one line in the article that sent both me and my wife rolling “We were pretty secure financially, mostly because we married off out sons to girls whose families paid the lion’s share of the expenses. Indeed we had good children…and we were able to demand that. {regarding marrying off a daughter} If you want a good chassan, bring a great kallah and an even better apartment.”
The rest of the article describes how when marrying off her sons they picked girls who would have steady, money making jobs, so their husbands could learn in kollel. But what ends up happening is that the wives are working crazy hours, never see their children, forget having dinners cooked during the week, cloths laundered etc. the husbands are the ones who are no longer learning and are have basically changed roles with the wife!
NO WHERE in the Torah is there an obligation for a husband to sit and learning full time after he is married! The Torah makes it VERY CLEAR that a husband is supposed to SUPPORT HIS WIFE not the other way around. Yes is supposed to be kovea be itim, yes he is supposed to learn as much as he cans, but what we’ve created is a culture that looks down on people who are supporting their families, these “working men” who are supporting their families are actually being more true to the Torah then people who are learning in kollel all day.
Now I’m not anti kollel at all, I think that for people who are serious learners and have support to do it should 100% do that, but when every Joe Shmo on the street feels that he can be passed off as a “learning boy” get support and then not do any learning, we a have a serious problem. Because if he does what he’s good at and goes out to work, the society around makes him feel like he’s worthless!
Of course then there are people who, as was said above, who are afraid to work because of how they will be viewed. It is a problem in a Torah society for the people who work to viewed as second class.
Sorry, I needed to get that off my chest.