Shkoyach-
Shkoyach (:p) on your remark about gedarim, it’s mamash really something people don’t know enough about.
When I spoke with ( deleted by YW Moderator ) about joining the Air Force, his response was (or at least as much of it as I’m sharing), “As long as you won’t be mechallel Shabbos.” This was distinguished from working on Shabbos, which may happen, but without actual chillul. Another thing I’d like to add on, though, is the idea of “inconsistency is not hypocrisy.” Just because a guy tries not to speak with girls doesn’t mean if one holds the door open for him he shouldn’t say thank you, etc. etc.
As for speaking to people online, even when gender is implied in a user name, I think the internet’s inherent anonymity makes it ok since you really have no idea what gender they are. That and the filtering, as well as the public forum, I think makes it, though not ideal, ok.