mky- excuse us, but the CR is not where you come when you’re a lost case. This is a prestigious institution where every member is valued at their value.
Seriously, I’m not sure what makes you think you’re a lost case (out of yeshiva? on the internet?) don’t beat yourself up- it’s self destructive.
Go to the New & Returning Members Thread and get workin- it’s really never too late. Believe it!
Also read up on the other helpful threads from a while back (you aint new here)- all those discussions with moish etc.
Have a great shabbos,
-areivim