Rosh Hashana we go to my parents for dinner and we eat at home for the lunch seuda since we daven at different shuls and finish at different times. Succos, we have the dinner meals with my parents and the lunchs with my husband’s family. The last days, though, we stay home. Pessach we sort of alternate days and we stay home some days.
My daughter and son-in-law go to be with his rebbe for R”H. Succos and Pessach they spend the first days with one set of parents and the last days with the other, alternating years. My son and daughter-in-law live in Israel and only come in for Pessach. They also alternate.
So who “wins”? Who ever keeps peace and doesn’t keep count of days and meal and always makes children feel welcome. BTW, when our children are with us and we go away, wa ALL go.