My assumption is you are a parent of a girl. If this is really getting to be too much to handle, you may want to tell some of the shadchanim, like the ones who seem to have shvacher offers, or who never come through, that you prefer to give them all your daughter’s references and please don’t call till you get a yes from the boy’s side, and that you guarantee, bli neder to get back with a reply within 24 hours.
What’s happening now is, the boys have so many names, and yeah, I have rachmanus on their mothers too, that if they can get yeses from girls first, then they can eliminate all the other names and work through these. Problem is, it’s very demoralizing for the girls. For this daughter, I’m not quite in the system as she wants a working boy, and we seem to be able to get away with insisting on a yes from the boy first.
I don’t know the source and exact quote but chazal say that it’s the derech of the world for the boy to go after the girl, which my father shlita(a talmid chacham and ben Torah) always understood as the boy should travel to meet the girl, the boy should be pursuing the girl, so the boy should do the first checking.
Niskatnu hadoros.
Hatzlacha!