AZ, I am taking NO position. I am taking your argument to its logical extreme. Based on your argument, we should end kollel, and shrink family sizes since the numbers don’t work out, abort 2,000 females per year, and not have bitachon that Hashem runs the world. The gedolim all gave their bracha to someone who marries someone whose close to their age, and that is not the focal point of the debate from my point of view. The question is your insistence that one who doesn’t do so is meshamed klal yisroel. You are avoiding the question, so I will re-ask it here- what about the other issues (family size, kollel,aser beshvil shetisasher, etc) that don’t work out on a rational basis, but do work out if one has bitachon? Are you saying we should not have bitachon but go based on rational thinking?
The idea of “bashert” is mentioned by the gemara.I would not want to be on the side of denying the gemara. In all honesty, of course, there are shitos that today we are all “zivug sheini” as we are all gilgulim, and there is no such thing as a “bashert”, and it all goes based on maaseh. The Zohar in Parshas Noach (from the Niglos Hazohar- allowed) says that sometimes, someone’s bashert goes to someone else first as a rachmanus. One of the zivug tefilos I used to say as a single mentioned the idea of grabbing someone else’s zivug, or someone grabbing yours. But the simple understanding of bashert is that it still applies today. Parnassah is also bashert, and I don’t see you advocating everyone leave kollel and go to college instead of relying on bitachon about parnassah. Why not? Do you, or do you not, believe in bashert and Hashem runs the world?