My apologies again for perpetuating the hijacking of this thread but there’s something I don’t get (and GAW, please help me out here, I am a woman, but a mother of boys so if there’s something that will help me help them, seriously, let me know). Everyone is focused on the girls – why rush, get established in your careers (I just LOVE that one ;-), get a grip on what real life’s all about.
What kind of chinuch are we giving our boys and young men to prepare THEM for marriage? Why is it in their interests to start shidduchim even YOUNGER, by all this logic? If I were a boy, my thinking would be, to reach my goals I need a certain amount of distraction-free learning. Unless my shver puts a large amount in escrow, I can’t depend on anything. My wife may need or want to reduce her hours, there may be some pregnancy complications, who knows? And it’s very possible my bashert’s father may not have the large amount to put in escrow. Boy, I have to be prepared for any possibility – moving to a kollel across the world, learning a trade (could be klei kodesh) – when I get married. I think I’d like to get some a good few years of deep learning, be in a position to move to whatever yeshiva I will see will best help me on my way. I’m not going to start going out till I’m at least 23, maybe older.
Please, someone out there has to be able to help me get this.