HaQer, are you implying that most men DO stay up on seder nights and I just never knew it, or are you just hocking? Kindly keep irrelevant points out of this – I’m aware that it’s possible that some people stay up but for the most part they don’t. Ask around – no one is going to lie about it. Most people are busy bragging about what time their seder finished anyway 🙂
oomis and others, women staying up on Shavuos is a very public thing. If you shake lulav at home, no one knows it – but when women start congregating to learn past midnight, it makes some people question their motives. What’s the show for? Are they trying to rub out the line between women and men? Why can’t they just learn in the morning instead? Why can’t they pore over a sefer in their own dining room, b’tzina? You have to admit that public displays like this set off warning bells. Not to say that in every case this is the motivation, but it raises a flag.
As far as charlie brown’s point goes, even if only women who have no little kids at home are going out to learn, it sets the tone. As soon as one woman with little kids figures out a way to join the group, it becomes a pressure on her peers to do the same. Like going to shul on Rosh Hashana – and if they can’t figure out what to do with their kids then they’ll just bring ’em along (haha, I just jumped on oomis’ soapbox at the last second to protect myself 😉