There is a time to cry. We cry over the sad events that take place even though we are aware that it is for a good reason. We say ?? ???? ???? ???? because in the times of Moshiach, we will understand how everything was for our benefit. But in this world, we can only see things as they are, and we must cry. Chazal say that the keruvim faced each other at the time of churban bayis rishon, indicating that Hashem loved us even as the Beis Hamikdash was being destroyed. But as some point, we must move on with life. Shiva is for periods of a week, a month, and a year. Then life gets fully back to normal. The Chazon Ish ZT”L used to say that an eved Hashem who is not happy has a clearly flawed avodah (In Their Shadow).
An example of this dichotomy between the absolute truth ( in this case, everything is for the best) and our perception that it’s bad is the phrase hagadol hagibor vehanora (“The Great, Powerful, and Awesome)”in shemona esrei. These three words were removed by the neviim at the time of the churban bayis rishon- the beis hamikdash is being destroyed and Hashem does nothing? The anshei kenesses hagedolah added them back in- the fact that He controls himself and doesn’t wipe out the attackers shows His strength. The gemara then says that the 3 neviim knew that too, but for them the pain was too near. In other words, pain prevents us from seeing clearly. This is why we cry. However, we are also supposed to move past our personal pain and realize how lucky we are to be punished by Hashem. We said in today’s yom, ???? ???? ??? ?????? ?-?- fortunate is the man whom Hashem punishes. As the Shaarei Teshuva points out, these punishments enable us to realize what’s wrong with our behavior and correct them. If we just gripe about them, we missed the point.
In other words, I’m agreeing with both sides. We feel pain and cry, and are supposed to cry, but we must ultimately keep in mind that everything from Hashem is good- Hashem is the ultimate Meitiv.