“i’m doing what i need to do right now. is it right? i admit that it’s not.”
I don’t understand- this is what you are referring to when you say you’re doing your part or is this an excuse for why you’re not doing your part?
“but right now my life is beyond my control”
I notice a lot of things you said indicate that you need to feel you’re in control. Things like: It’s my choice, I decided to do this or be this way…. nobody can force me to do what I don’t want to do…
I wish I can go in depth regarding needing to feel “in control”- especially during the teen years where things are mostly out of control. I want to summarize it for you, but don’t know where to begin. I have to read that part again & get back to you.
“I sincerely care about a lot of things, even if I don’t act that way”
this was kinda dizzying and deep. do you follow my train of thought? read it a few times till you chapp (i had to do that myself!)
Behave yourself and good night!