i hear. but you have to understand where i’m coming from. i’m doing what i need to do right now. is it right? i admit that it’s not. do i want to be like this forever? no way. i hope i don’t stay like this. that would be depressing.
i know you’re gonna attack me when i say this, but right now my life is beyond my control. (yeah i know this is gonna trigger fifty million mussar shmoozes, but that’s how i feel)
that paragraph of random things that i said is the truth about how i feel. you want me to shut that out? sure. no problem. but it won’t go away. i sincerely care about alot of things, even if i don’t act that way. i’m not sure if you saw that post from the other day, but it’s painful to be doing something wrong and knowing how bad it really is. that’s when i think to myself, “i’d rather be an idiot and an am haaretz than have a tosfos pass through my mind at this exact moment.”