Teen, my holy brother,
I couldn’t agree with you more.
your not supposed to give mussar when you know that the person will not listen to you
perhaps it should also apply (depending on circumstance)to parents who keep trying to make their children as religious as they are but the kid repeatedly shows that he is not interested.
You are probebly correct in your assessment that that parents actually push their kids further off by trying to “push their beliefs on them”.
Regarding the rights parents have when towards children who might have different beliefs, that would probably depend on the particular belief system of eatch individual. You see, rights are very intertwined with belief. Their are different rights that exist for instance legal rights, human rights, moral rights to name a few but besides for legal rights all other rights are determined by your particular belief system. If as I understand, your parents are religious jews their idea of rights are determined by their belief in the Torah & the Torah defines the rights of Jews.
So if you ask w”hy do they have the right to try to make me believe what they believe…they dont believe what i beleive do they? why cant i make them believe what i beleive? shouldnt everyone be allowed to believe what they want just as much as my parents can believe in judiasm? ” the answer is perhaps they have the right according to their belief system but perhaps according to your belief system they do not. It gets tricky with parents particularly at 17, legally they have the right to “try to make you believe what they believe” Morally they have the right to try and make you believe what they believe.
I actually noticed in your response to tzipi that you ” actually do believe in judiasm very strongly” it’s just that your “just not interested in doing it…laziness i guess”
well as a parent myself I know that it is not only a right but rather an obligation for me as a parent to help my children with their beliefs and not let their laziness or other shortcomings destroy their future. Parents will be the ones to blame should you grow up and get a clearer outlook on your heritage. You will be the firs to stand up & say Dad,Mom where were you when I was faltering,how did you allow me to be taken in by my laziness and shortcomings in not following what I believed and now know even stronger that I was young and foolish to through it away. As a parent I would dread to have my child make these accusations against me, far more than I would their veering from my beliefs after I did everything in my power to guide them.
Lets put aside religion & stuff for a moment.
Picture choosing your ideal life, however you want to live it. I would assume, no matter the lifestyle you choose you have the human need to be successful in your life.
You may pursue a career by attending university or reach your successes on your good graces. In any case as the years go in your ideal life. You will probably get married and build a family as the majority of Americans do. Now picture yourself in your ideal home in your ideal neighborhood with your child or children attending the ideal schools along with the other kids in your ideal community. Now as you climbed the ladder of success you also developed strong beliefs and are very aware of your rights and the rights of society according to your beliefs. Naturally you most of your intimate friends and acquaintances have common beliefs and ideas. It is in this ideal life of yours that you and your spouse are raising your children. In your love for your children you and your wife agree to do everything to give your children the ideal life that you have achieved so they to can experience the rewards & fulfillment of the ideal life.
In order to assure your children’s success,you exert all sorts of efforts to see that they have as easy a time as possible in reaching the ideal life. Now remember besides for your kids success being part of your “ideal life’ you want them to have the best life they can possibly have for their own sake.
Nice picture, right? Now, one nice summer in ideal land, perhaps you and your loved one are having the ideal vacation. You receive a call from your child and as you both pick up a phone line so you can tell your child how much you love & miss him, he says … you know Dad & Mom, I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have come to the conclusion that your beliefs are not mine. I am not sure if it’s that I don’t believe in your “ideal life belief” totally. I actuality greatly believe in it and admire many things about it.. maybe it’s just that I am lazy or it’s to hard. In any case I would like you to kind of leave me be I won’t be doing anything drastic drugs, or even smoking etc. you wont have to bail me out of prison. But I just kinda will do my own thing and decide on my own what I will & won’t do. I do love you both and you really gave me a great life taking care of all my needs from when I was a baby and all you have done for me in so many different ways & I thank you for that… , but now I’m the ones that will make the rules as far as I’m concerned around here. I just wanted you both to know this before you come home so when you get back you won’t be taken aback buy my “new look” and some new friends I hang with. If you see some unfamiliar food in the fridge, don’t through it out it’s mine, & don’t set the table for me on your ideal dinner night as I’ll be out. Oh I almost forgot don’t send tuition checks to the ideal school, I am dropping out. Also the neighbors kind of look at me like I’m below them or something you know not “ideal”. Just tell them bout my decision when you get back. Thanks-a-lot and I Luv Ya!
Ok Teen your the Dad,… how do you feel now? … how do you console your hysterical wife? what do you say to your friends and neighbors when you get back?… how do you respond to this call?… and what rights do you have?
Remember two things
G-d Loves you & what goes around comes around.
Hope you enjoyed the ride.
You’ll be great!I mean it!