Talking from experience, don’t say anything like “is it hard for you?”. I think that is the dumbest question and does not serve any purpose other than putting the person in an awkward position. It’s also condescending. What is she supposed to say??? I had one person who always did this to me, telling me it must be hard, telling me that so in so is expecting and feels so bad for me. I felt like all she was accomplishing was turning me into a nebach case because I didn’t have a baby 9 months after my wedding! (this person was completely DESPERATE when she was married 7 months so thinks everyone is like that.) The main thing is to treat people the way they would want to be treated and not the way you would. everyone is different and deals with things differently and should have their needs respected!
Of course don’t put off telling her because than she will think that you were avoiding her. Don’t complain about how hard it is or anything.
In my opinion, the best thing to do is just to tell her how you would tell her anyone else. One thing that I think works is to precede the actual news with an introduction such as, I have some good news to share with you (you can leave out the “good” if you feel it is insensitive and just say that you have some news.) When I was married about a year and a few months and not pregnant(I don’t mean to say that it was the end of the world but it was a while compared to her), someone who was married about 4 months told me her news. This is how she said it. She started saying something about not feeling well but since she was married so short, I didn’t connect. then she says, “so we’re growing and growing and soon we’ll pop!” I was in such shock and didn’t know how to react because she said it in such a wierd way! I felt so stupid about it and thought it was so silly and immature of her! I don’t think you would do anyhting like that, but i think it’s good for other people to read this and realize that in certain situations, don’t try to be funny; saying it straight is the best way! (ie, i have some news to share with you, I’m iy”h expecting in…)
a bit of a long megilla, sorry!