First of all, a child should be trained to NEVER say “my tateh is nisht aheim.” No one should be thinking that a child’s parent is not there. In fact, my kids were always taught to leave the door closed and say, “My parents are busy right now and can’t come to the door, could you please leave a message?”
I don’t care HOW difficult the meshulach’s job is, in today’s very violent world NO ONE has any obligation Tzedaka or not, to open their door at night to a stranger. I am sorry if they need the restroom or are thirsty, but robbers have dressed up like chassidic-looking collectors, attacked and then tied up the entire family, robbed them blind, and left them traumatized. The message needs to get out that there is a time to collect and after that time (as far as I am concerned that is at nightfall), come back the next morning. I realize that is a problem for the meshulachim, but my family’s life comes before their lives.
Now to relate my own nasty collector story, A meshulach came by when I just had given birth, and I finally got my baby to sleep when he rang my doorbell. I was not dressed properly to open a door, so I told him ina soft voice, as my baby was not a good sleeper when hearing people around, to please leave, that I could not open the door. He definitely heard me, because he became belligerent, WHY couldn’t I open the door???? He started pounding on the door, waking my baby, who began screaming, and refused to leave until in frustration I threatened to call the police. Another time, I opened the door and the meshulach asked for tzedaka. All I had in my wallet was $50 bill ( an anniversary present which I had received from my parents for a special anniversary year), and a few quarters. I offered the quarters to the man, he looked at me disdainfully and said, “Is that all you have? I’ll take a check.” I told him I don’t write checks to strangers, it was the quarters or nothing. He took the quarters, and then suddenly threw them back at me, turned around and left abruptly. This has happened more than once, when I didn’t give them “enough.” That is not a meshulach l’sheim Shamayim. That is a bulvan. And if you gave to one of them, then they send their friend, too, who is collecting for the same cause as they are.