tzippi-seesm I am spending more time on this computer today but, hopefully, it will be for a good cause.
I said earlier that this is not strictly a chumro and kulloh thing (tinok shenishba) but it does pertain to the attitude today that is prevalent in some Yiddishe quarters.
As far as your other question, allow me a story from the brisker rov ,surely not a left-winger.
Once, he paskehed that someone should eat o nyom kippur and the talmidim asked him how come he was mwikil on hilchos jom kippur. he told them he wasn’t meikil on hilchos yom kippur but MACHMIR on hilchos pikuach nefesh.
I fully agree with you that it is incumbent upon us to be MACHMIR in hilchos ahavas yisroel. The problem you might have is that this approach is prevalent in two machanos that do not necessarily walk in lockstep with the “chareidi” world. These machanos are Chabad, which are the main exponents of this approach, and the talmidim of Rav Kook, who said that the antidote to “sinas chinom”, which destroyed the second Bays, is “ahavas chinom”. This is why he accepted the secular Zionists because he felt that the achdus of Klal yisroel was more important than the esoteric philosophical differences between the different factions.
I fully suscribe to the view of both machanos.