tzippi: i am saying exactly that. it is physically impossible for a step or adoptive mother to have the same love for a biological child as their step adoptive one. this is a medical fact. a biological mother has a bond with her children driven by chemicals in the brain, created through the baby being in the womb. this cannot be created any other way. she can try and mimic it to the best of her ability, but it is apparent many times that it is not the same. my stepmom did a great job, but it clearly not the same. you say you have a stepmother, but you had her when you were already married, so all she is being used for by that time maternally is for advice, and that anyone can give, even your mother in law! as a child growing up, major walls are built psychologically between a step child and his/her stepmother. no one is to blame for them, as it is natural. resentment, anger, sacredness, feeling of isolation and that no-one is there for you is what a child with a stepmother feels. it is this reason why only a rov with major yidios in these situations, with very careful kid gloves may answer these shailos. again, this can be dealing with the feelings of yesomim, due to the fact they are yesomim, and should be treated in a way that to the masses is un-understandable.
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