Gitty … can I ask you 2 questions?
1) How old are you?
2) Have you ever spoken to anyone who is considered an “expert” in these area, outside of the people who post on the Yeshiva World?
I am not enough of an expert myself to answer all of your questions, but a lot of the points that you are raising are issues that I myself have struggled with, and have had pretty much all of them answered. While most of the people on YWN are very sincere and well meaning, I personally do not think (even though I comment just like everyone else) that a such a public forum is the most opportune place to discuss such deep and relevant issues.
I don’t know if anyone agrees with me on this, and let me reiterate that I am just as guilty of this as everyone else, but at least consider what I said