i am not looking for a facade, i am looking so hard to find the turth and beauty but i dont see it, i thought maybe i wasnt looking in the right places but now im starting to think that maybe its just not there. i know millions of people can not be folllowing something so blindly, its not logical but it jsut seems so hypocritcal to me. ive seen such horibble things and scandals happen in the frum communites that have jsut turned me off, ive been told not to judge judiasm by jews but i cant see what judiasm is meant to be when its misrepresented. the things i am talking about are nothing like your examples, they wouldnt bother ne in the least.
im back on track meaning i keep kosher and shabbos, and tznius and dont talk to guys, drink or do drugs anymore but i still have the meesed up mindset. im working on it, but the frum society isnt making it easy on em to change it