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Gitty- I know im like the 100th person to comment. But im yeshiva bochur in israel for a 3rd year, and over the course of the years i encountered alot of fakeness and that the system was too strict. I like you felt free when it came to the secular world, why is it im still here learning??? In first year i got curious about our religion, whats so special why is our religion so strict and where’s the joy in it?? The difference between me and ppl that go off the derech is i learned to ask! Because if you really cared to know the truth about what is your purpose on this world and not just to waste it away enjoying a life till your 120 bh AND THEN WHAT?? I care about my life so i wanted to know why we are all here. To make money, to travel the world, etc.. i dont think so. And anyone who tells me he/she went off b/c they had question and they searched judiusm and found no answers then fine, But to go off and create questions to defend are excuses not questions. And to your comment that you only go with structure