Joseph:
I get the feeling that we are not referring to the same thing when using the term “gray area”. you write, “Afterall, it is halacha, gray or not.” and “The Rabbonim have always been specifying the boundaries of gray areas ” I do not agree with that statement, unless I dont know what you mean by “gray area”.
I went into a bit of explanation in another blog, (I think the bungalow colony one) about what i am referring to with that term, but I will try again, giving you some examples to explain my point.
When I refer to “gray areas” in Tznius, I am referring to things that are not “assur” per se, but may be considered untznius in certain communities. The halaha does not have a final decision on it. For women that are ffb, there is a certain ingrained binah on what is considered “tznius” that often BTs find bewildering. But it varies from place to place.
For example, in Eretz Yisroel, in one of the chassidish shchunot, I once saw a “kol korehs” screaming against the practice of women wearing “ponytail” Shaitlech. Also, jean skirts are completely out in EY, even among the Bais Yaakov girls. (to the best of my knowledge.) In America, those things are not considered problematic in the “mainstream” (non-chassidish) kehillos, except perhaps on a voluntary basis. There was recently a letter written by the Satmar community (in the US) against wearing white jackets. What is wrong with it, you may ask? It doesn’t matter, unless you are Satmar, because it is not something that the Litvish community would consider problematic.
These particulars are all “gray area” , again, depending where you live.
To give another example, in some paces it is perfectly proper for women to cover their hair with a big floppy hat. The halacha says that a married woman must cover her hair. The halacha does not specify with WHAT. But, in some place, if a woman wears a hat, or a bandana (as in the example brought by one poster) they would be flouting the sensibilities and the standard of that communities tznius.
Then you get into the kind of gray area which is really a matter of perspective or “opinion”. If someone wears something that is flashy or very stylish, it is not tznius . (this is what the BY girls are generally taught.) Now who will decide what is flashy or stylish? You may have one person who “feels” its perfectly fine and another who thinks its unacceptable. I am talking here from a bit of experience, again, with my job as a teacher. I may feel that what a girl is wearing is too tight, whereas the other teacher will disagree.
Which brings me to your last point, you write, “But they don’t change “for the next generation”…There is a fundamental concept in Tznius that you may be unaware of, again, I believe this is only taught in the Bais Yaakovs and not in the yeshivos. It is the concept of styles or fashion. The idea is that a woman should dress “attractive but not attracting.” She may dress in clothes that are somewhat in style, and NO she does not need to wear the same style that her mother and Bubby wore in previous generations!
But at the same time, when certain styles come out, they are somewhat eye-catching, and therefor a tzanua would stay away from it. A YEAR OR SO MAY PASS and the style is not so eye-catching anymore because everybody’s been wearing it forever, and no one notices it anymore, because a new style has taken over already! So, the logic goes, NOW it is perfectly okay to wear that style!
I admit this may sound really weird to a man who is used to black and white halacha, but think about it, and you might see the sense in it. THAT is what I meant by gray area.
According to Rav Falk’s book, wearing nail polish that is a light color is acceptable if it is the “minhag hamakom” to wear nail polish. and in truth, it is really like that for all these “gray areas”…
I hope I have given you enough examples to explain my point. Now, the answer is, (imho) is to somehow instill in the girls a sense of “kavod atzmi” and kovod for their neshamos, that they will on their own be able to feel what is appropriate and what is not. Because we cannot give a list of rules, which will include every possible type of clothing or accesory. It is neither necessary or correct, in my opiion, because these things vary from place to place, and are constantly changing.
The MOST important thing though is to understand the term “minhag hamakom”. It does NOT refer to what the local goyim are wearing, or even what the majority are wearing. It refers to what the chashuvei ha’ir are wearing, the “elite” crop in terms of yiddishkeit. Those are our models, and their standard should be the “minhag hamakom”. And of course, that places a big responsibility of those in that percentage in any locale, to realize that people are looking up them, and taking note.