SJSinNYC, I agree with a lot of what you write. People do have to learn to live within their means. I also grew up having somewhat less than many around me, and I also learned to be careful with money. I don’t feel I need to use my limited financial resources (B”H we have enough, but none of us have unlimited funds) on a shaitel or a new vehicle when a hat or snood & used van (over 15 years old B”H) work just as well for me.
However, I think that a lot of people do find it difficult to have less than those around them. Also, some people in some frum communities are suspicious of those who do things differently than they do, even if it’s for financial reasons. Complicating these issues is the fact that young people incur some of the expenses you mentioned, such as seminary & wedding costs, at a time when their financial outlook may not have fully matured. For these reasons, many people may find takanos helpful, since they help take the pressure off.
I also think that classes in managing household finances should be manadatory in sll frum schools at the high school level.