Mariner, whoah! While you are saying that you don’t want the chassidim to say you’re wrong, you have no issue telling them they’re wrong. You seem to have alot of anger about this subject, and I can hear why. I hear your point that the Chasidish way being new(er), so it should be them on the defense, not the other way around. But at this point it has been around for so long, as to be considered almost on equal footing, so what can you do?
I feel that whereas Litvish Gedolim may say the Chassidim are wrong (as did the holy Vilna gaon) the newest crop of Chassidim can hardly be faulted for being born into a Chassidish family, and for them to change their minhag, nusach etc. would be wrong. There are enough chassidish poskim that can answer any of these questions, of why what they do is muttar. Also, many chassanim would not have the guts you had to go against their father when it was their own minhag. When you choose a derech that is different from your father, you have to know how to pick your battles.
I agree that a lot of this comes from ignorance, but from both sides. At this point the Chassidish minhagim (along with their emphasis on segulos etc.) have been around for a while and has affected (for better or worse) even the real true Litvaks. By the same token, one can observe that the emphasis on learning, dikduk on halacha etc. has rubbed off on the Chassidim as well. These days, we see much “intermarriage” and much more cooperation between the two groups. In fact, the term chassidish and litvish have become so vague by now, as to be almost irrelevent.
Let me tell you a beautiful and telling story I heard years ago on this subject. I cannot vouch that the story is true, but the message is certainly worth hearing in our day and age. I will repeat it as I heard it. Anyone who knows the story, or has other details, feel free to add/correct.
Rav Aharon Kotler zt”l and Rav Yoelish Teitelbaum (the Divrei Yoel–Satmar Rebbe) zt”l were once sitting together at a function. Rav Aharon turned to the Satmar Rebbe and remarked what a strange circumstance this was that he, the “leader” of the American Litvaks, and he (Reb Yoel), the unquestionable leader of American Chassidim are sitting at the same table. “What do you say to that?”, he asked him.
Rav Yoelish answered with a parable:
There was once a gvir that had two daughters. He found for the first one an outstanding bachur, a real torah scholar. The son-in-law had one condition to the shidduch. He said he must be given a meat meal every day. The rich man agreed happily.
For the second daughter, the rich man found another worthy so-in-law. This one stipulated that he must be fed a Milchig meal every day. The gvir agreed to this term as well. They all lived together in the same house.
Nu, what can you do? This one wants meat, this one wants Milk, they cannot eat at the same table! So each day, the sons-in-law ate their meals at two separate tables.
In time, the father-in-law’s fortune took a turn for the worse, and he began to have trouble meeting his obligations. The meals went from meat to chicken, from Cheeses to milk. Eventually, he lost almost all his money and all he could afford was potatoes. He turned to his two sons-in-law and said, “When YOU were eating meat and YOU were eating milk, I could understand that eating together was impossible. But now you are both eating potatoes,…we may as well sit and eat together.”
Reb Yoel concluded by saying, “amohl, it was the case that a chassid was a true chassid, and a litvak was a true litvak. It was obvious that they could not work together. But today, the generation is so weak and a chassid is not a true chassid anymore, and a litvak is not a true litvak anymore. We may as well work together and strengthen each other!”
If that was true in those days, how much more so today.