Its a touchy subject and I agree that when a group of people get together in such situations they would like to prserve a certain lifelstyle that is hard (or harder) to find elsewhere. I get so upset when I see someone walking in the streets on Me’ah Shorim not properly dressed, or driving a car on shabbos. However, we need to be more open minded and tolerant with those who are different than what we are use to. Once my mother was at a frum wedding near her home, when a lady showed up in a very revealing dress. My mother went over to her in the sweetest of voices and told her that she felt bad that no one explained to her how people dress at such functions and offered her a shawl to help her fit in. The lady gladdly accepted and at the end of the wedding thanked her for sharing. (Later on they met up and the lady told my mother that she started to dress more modestly as a result of that evening) So what happened was that instead of being kicked out, ostracized and having negative feelings towards yiddishkeit she was embraced, had a positive expierence and is now living a better life as a result.
I personally happen to be a blcak hat type, very idealistic and love the Yeshivish world. However, as mazel had it, we live in a very mixed community and I’m glad for that expierence as well. It has given me the chance to see how many men who wear jeans wake up for Daf Yomi (5-6am). The chessed that goes on for all yidden regardless of dress. Plus the fact that regardless of the color of shirt, hat (or no hat), suit or shietel/snood that they are all our brothers and sisters whom we have a responsibility for as well.