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I am very introverted. That said, I want to be more involved in Torah learning and my Jewish community. Yet even attending shul on Shabbat can be way overstimulating and emotionally draining.
How do I do this? Especially when it comes to putting time into Torah classes and making friends, it’s draining to put up a front. I watch shiurs at home and read, but still yearn for a Jewish community (friends, learning, connection, family, etc). I’m not totally observant either, so whenever I go somewhere, I feel like I have to prep myself into Yiddishkeit-mode plus extrovert-enhancement before I show up.
Does anyone have this issue?
Maybe you should try signing up for Partners-In-Torah. It’s a really good program and it sounds like it might be just the thing for you. They set you up with a mentor whom you learn with over the phone once a week. As an introvert, that would be a really good set up for you. At the same time, you would be making a connection with someone, and if things work out, she might have you over for Shabbos or Holidays or help you find a way to be part of a community.
And in terms of your observance level, you can just be yourself. They have people with all levels of observance.
lightbrite- I myself am an ambivert, and I have a few good friends who are major introverts. They doesn’t go to shul on yamim noraim even because it’s too overwhelming for them.
I know for them, just like you are stimulated enough emotionally with very few friends, you should find one or two friends/family that you can talk/learn with a lot and that you feel comfortable with. You can hear over the phone and internet shuirs, or go to a real live speech and just try not to interact, but listen to everyone else and when you get home you can talk about it with one of your close spiritual friends.
According to Dr. Miriam Adahan an introvert is not necessarily someone who prefers to be alone although he can be alone without feeling lonely. Rather, an introvert cannot stand large groups but prefers small groups of long-time acquaintances. I myself am in this category.
Of course, there are degrees of introversion as with anything else. From your question, it seems to me that you are not extremely introverted (otherwise you would not be asking it). IMHO, you should seek a small, accepting group/shul.
From what I’ve read and seen Introvert and Etroverts go like this in a nutshell:
Introvert: A person who primarily gets emotional/spiritual energy from being alone, and people that are very close with them for short periods of time. Social settings zap their energy.
Extrovert: A person who primarily gets their emotional/spiritual energy from being in a social setting. Being alone for too long will zap their energy.
Ambivert: A person who needs energy from both social settings and being alone equally or like 60/40. Being alone for too long will zap their energy, and being in a social setting for too long will too. They need to jump between both.
Of course Extroverts and Introverts will not always want to be out or stay in, but the idea is that it where the go mostly to recharge.
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Try to find a small shul with not too many members.
Many introverts (like myself) find it easier to come to Shul just a bit early; at that point it’s almost empty, and you can adjust to the crowd gradually as people show up. Also, by the time the shul gets crowded you’ll already be absorbed in your davening and won’t notice the crowd as much.
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Any idea why, Shopping?
Of course she knows why, she wrote it
I meant to ask if she could explain it.
“Ambivert: A person who needs energy from both social settings and being alone equally or like 60/40. Being alone for too long will zap their energy, and being in a social setting for too long will too. They need to jump between both.”
That is interesting. I always wondered why I can’t figure out if I’m an extravert or an introvert since I seem like both. I didn’t know that “ambivert” is an option. I have always thought of myself as an outgoing intravert.
Comlink-it was a small extra comment that I see could of been taken the wrong way and wasn’t really necessary to the post.
Yes ambivert have been largely misunderstood. Look it up, a lot of people don’t believe in it but it’s there. Every introvert/extrovert quiz I do that doesn’t include ambiverts is 50/50 or 60/40.
People just assume I’m an extrovert cuz I’m super friendly and have no problem making friends with random strangers, then they get confused when I get overwhelmed on school trips where I’m stuck with a bunch of rowdy teens for over 6 hours at a time.
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