Home › Forums › Decaffeinated Coffee › Survey – for men only
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August 23, 2016 3:06 am at 3:06 am #618197Lilmod UlelamaidParticipant
If you are single or when you were single, how important is/was it to you that the girl know how to cook and bake before you would go out with her?
If you are married, have your views on this changed since you got married?
August 23, 2016 3:31 am at 3:31 am #1170841JosephParticipantIt isn’t critically important that she know how to cook and bake before you go out with her. It is critically important that she be ready and willing to learn how to cook and bake, should she be short on some of those skills, once married.
August 23, 2016 3:49 am at 3:49 am #1170842yeshivabochur123ParticipantCooking is more important than baking but baking is easier than cooking. Most guys are coming from Yeshiva so everything you cook will taste good because yeshiva food is so bad
August 23, 2016 3:53 am at 3:53 am #1170843SparklyMembera girl should know how to cook before she gets married thats part of being independent in general. if someone isnt ready to be independent their NOT ready for marriage.
yeshivabochur – thats good to know. poor guy.
August 23, 2016 3:55 am at 3:55 am #1170844👑RebYidd23ParticipantWhat’s wrong with being a raw vegan?
August 23, 2016 4:10 am at 4:10 am #1170845Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantSparkly, you can be independent without knowing how to cook.
August 23, 2016 4:13 am at 4:13 am #1170846Little FroggieParticipantFor me it was not important that Frogette cook or bake. I came from a Yeshiva setting where I developed something like a metal stomach – something that could digest anything they had to offer… So I didn’t really need much (maybe if she could fry cardboard… cook paper…)
August 23, 2016 7:04 am at 7:04 am #1170847SparklyMemberlilmod ulelamaid – how?
Little Froggie – i want mr sparkle to know how to cook.
August 23, 2016 11:25 am at 11:25 am #1170848lesschumrasParticipantJoseph, this survey is self selecting, and, not valid
August 23, 2016 11:55 am at 11:55 am #1170849TheGoqParticipantSurvey for women only
how important is it that the boy you date has a good job and will be able to provide for you and your children?
August 23, 2016 11:57 am at 11:57 am #1170850theprof1Participantmy wife couldnt cook water for a coffee. she had no clue about cooking or baking. it took time but now she is a top cook and baker. her challahs are to die for. it depends on the person. she wanted to learn so she did.
August 23, 2016 11:57 am at 11:57 am #1170851iacisrmmaParticipantIt was not high on my list of priorities as my father taught my mother how to cook and my sister learnt most of what she knew after she was married.
August 23, 2016 12:22 pm at 12:22 pm #1170852MenoParticipantHow important?
Zero important
August 23, 2016 12:50 pm at 12:50 pm #1170853Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantSparky – I’ve been independent for a very long time without knowing how to cook, although that might depend how you define cooking. Do egg salad and macaroni and macaroni egg salad (my own invention) count? Even if they don’t, there are plenty of single girls who don’t even do that much. There are many things one can make without cooking. Tuna sandwiches, pareve shnitzel, hot dogs, Grab one bars, yogurts, going out for bagels, etc, frozen pizza, cereal and milk, cheese, salads, fruit,
Most people don’t cook much during the week anyhow. And who wants to cook for themselves? When my neighbor’s husband was sick, she showed me the fruit leather she was eating for supper because she didn’t feel like cooking for herself. I said, “now you understand me.” She responded, “I always did.”
August 23, 2016 12:51 pm at 12:51 pm #1170854Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantFor that matter, I’ve been independent for many years without knowing how to change a lightbulb. I always asked my landlord to do it for me.
August 23, 2016 12:55 pm at 12:55 pm #1170855Person1MemberLol are you serious? It’s important that she doesn’t put poison in my food anyway.
August 23, 2016 1:23 pm at 1:23 pm #1170856takahmamashParticipantIt wasn’t important at the time.
At the time we were dating, I was able to taste Shabbat food that she had made, so I knew before we were married that there were no problems in the cooking/baking department.
August 23, 2016 1:52 pm at 1:52 pm #1170857MenoParticipantlilmod ulelamaid
Can I get your recipe for macaroni egg salad?
In exchange, I can teach you how to change a light bulb
August 23, 2016 1:57 pm at 1:57 pm #1170858Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantPerson1 – thanks, getting a lot of validation from you today..
August 23, 2016 3:59 pm at 3:59 pm #1170859HappygirlygirlMemberThere’s always the fresh and easy cook book OR bais yakov cookbook filled with simple and delicious recipes
August 23, 2016 4:05 pm at 4:05 pm #1170860Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantThe Goq: Until I was approximately 34, it didn’t matter to me if the guy had a job or not as long as he was willing to go to work IF and WHEN it became necessary.
After that age, it became important to me that he be doing something in addition to learning. This could mean giving a shiur or a chabura once a week and it didn’t have to be paid work. This was mainly because I felt (and I’m not saying my feelings were necessarily accurate and apply to everyone) that at that age it may not be healthy for a single guy to not be involved in some sort of “work”. Also, in terms of parnassah, if a guy has never done anything besides learn (not even taught at all) by the age of 35 or 40, it would make me nervous that he will never be able to (again that’s just my personal feelings and may not apply to everyone).
Since girls can learn to cook and bake after marriage regardless of how old they are when they get married, none of that is really relevant to a girl. But I could see a guy getting nervous if a girl had never done ANYTHING in the way of housework or childcare and spent ALL her time learning or studying. I have yet to hear of a girl like that!
August 23, 2016 4:17 pm at 4:17 pm #1170861HappygirlygirlMemberLilmod …..you are older than 34 omggggg
August 23, 2016 4:25 pm at 4:25 pm #1170862ccguyParticipantIt would be a nice thing to know but I don’t see how you could find out much before the first date.Therefore, it is pretty irrelevant.
August 23, 2016 4:43 pm at 4:43 pm #1170863mythoughtsParticipantFor the guys…. Don’t be a shoiteh. If you find somebody you click with and admire as a human being then everything else will fall into place. I was lucky to find a great cook in addition to having everything I was looking for but it wasn’t a prerequisite. I know many couples where the husband does the cooking because he enjoys it more. A person can learn how to cook and bake but everything else…….. not so much!
August 23, 2016 5:22 pm at 5:22 pm #1170864Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantHappygirlygirl – Why? is there an upper age limit to the coffee room? I thought they should establish a lower age limit.. but an upper age limit?
August 23, 2016 5:22 pm at 5:22 pm #1170865Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantI think there may be people here who are as old or older than me
August 23, 2016 6:38 pm at 6:38 pm #1170866JosephParticipantpopa has married grandchildren.
August 23, 2016 7:03 pm at 7:03 pm #1170867MenoParticipantLU,
I think she was just surprised, not implying that you shouldn’t be here.
I find that it happens quite often here. You kind of develop a picture of someone in your head and then they reveal something which shows that the picture is way off.
August 23, 2016 7:41 pm at 7:41 pm #1170868zogt_besserParticipantIf you care about food quality, it should be very important. If you are working full time and coming home late but want to eat well and healthy (in addition to your kids), you’ll need your wife to cook. Even among goyim, women still do most of the cooking.
August 23, 2016 10:11 pm at 10:11 pm #1170869Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantMeno, I know. I was trying to be funny. You may be right about the reason. I had thought it had to do with my being single (at that age, the idea of a single 34+ year old is disconcerting); that’s why I tried to make a joke out of it (having people be shocked at my age is also somewhat disconcerting…)
August 23, 2016 10:14 pm at 10:14 pm #1170870Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantbtw, I just remembered that I actually do know how to make potato kugel too – I just haven’t done it in a while. Truth is, you can’t not know how to make potato kugel unless you don’t know how to read – all it involves is following the recipe. Another proof that the Rav Shach story isn’t true.
August 23, 2016 10:32 pm at 10:32 pm #1170871JosephParticipantWait, you went from saying the Rav Shach story had slightly different details than presented to now denying the well known story altogether? Did you read the three paragraph post I made in the other thread mentioning a letter Rav Shach wrote?
August 24, 2016 12:19 am at 12:19 am #1170873Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantI meant that it’s either not true the way it’s presented, or possibly not at all. I never meant that it was just unimportant details that were changed. That was just a raayah that the story has been changed around. I wrote a post in the other thread explaining the problem with stories. I explained in even more detail in another thread in which this story was brought in.
The Rav Shach letter does not prove that this story took place the way it is told. I do not believe the story took place the way it is told.
Regarding your post in the other thread, I agree with you that the curriculum should be changed and more time spent on hashkafa and halacha. I think that it had changed a lot since I was a kid, and there is more hashkafa and halacha today, but there still may be room for more improvement. However, that has nothing to do with the topic that was being discussed. The topic had to do with whether girls should be learning, not with which subjects they should be learning.
What is the source of the Rav Shach letter?
August 24, 2016 12:30 am at 12:30 am #1170874Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantShould religious girls learn halachot and mussar on a frequent basis?
I discussed my view on the Rav Shach story (and stories in general) there.
August 24, 2016 12:53 am at 12:53 am #1170876JosephParticipantRav Shach’s letter is in Michtavim u’Maamarim. The story about Rav Shach has many eyewitnesses.
August 24, 2016 1:01 am at 1:01 am #1170877Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantHuh? How many people were in the room when the girls came to him? Now I really don’t believe the story is true (as it’s told) – he definitely would not have embarrassed them in front of lots of people!!!
In any case, I never said it’s not true- I said I don’t believe it’s true the way it’s told.
August 24, 2016 1:42 am at 1:42 am #1170878JosephParticipantlilmod, the story about Rav Shach and the two seminary girls is brought down in the Sefer Lulei Sorasecha. You are correct it was a Ramban (not Rambam) they asked him about, but it was kugel not baking that he answered them with.
After the girls asked him about the Ramban, Rav Shach in his trademark warmth and smile asked them if they knew how to make kugel. They affirmed they did. And Rav Shach replied “And I know how to learn yet must still spend my life working on learning better. Your job is to work on making better kugel.”
August 24, 2016 1:54 am at 1:54 am #1170879It is Time for TruthParticipantJoseph,
Many distinguished individuals have had a problem with the story
-at least the way it’s related over
August 24, 2016 2:02 am at 2:02 am #1170880JosephParticipantIITFT, they don’t like Rav Shach’s message. But Rav Shach’s message is still Rav Shach’s message.
August 24, 2016 9:03 am at 9:03 am #1170881Ex-CTLawyerParticipantIt’s been more than 45 years since I dated, but it was not important if I knew whether the girl could cook and/or bake before we dated.
My mother A”L taught all her children how to cook, bake and do laundry the summer of the child’s 8th year. Mother was an educator, off from work in the summer. She felt that both boys and girls needed to be self sufficient in the home.
Mrs. CTL knew how to cook and bake when we married, but we split duties according to our schedules. This year when she spent more than a month in the hospital I did not have to rely on family and friends for sustenance.
At her shvigger’s urging Mrs. CTL taught all 5 of our children to cook, bake and do laundry at similar ages. Since the older 3 maintained their own apartments as singles in graduate school these skills came in handy.
August 24, 2016 3:46 pm at 3:46 pm #1170882dovrosenbaumParticipantIn my family, it’s unheard of for someone to live on their own without being married, and my family isn’t even that religious. Our mores are that if you’re not married, you belong with your parents.
August 24, 2016 4:08 pm at 4:08 pm #1170883Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantDovrosenbaum – wow, I’m impressed! My family is Frum, but I was basically expected to support myself from the age of 17.
August 24, 2016 4:34 pm at 4:34 pm #1170884JosephParticipantlilmod, how’d you pay for your seminary, schooling, food and housing beginning from age 17?
August 24, 2016 5:24 pm at 5:24 pm #1170885Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantfinancial aid, loans and working. It wasn’t easy and I had to quit college in the middle and go back later. I also wrote basically, because there were some years when I lived at home so I didn’t have to worry about basic expenses during those years (although even when you live at home, there are still many expenses such as transportation and clothes). But most of my time, it wasn’t shayich to live at home, so I was completely on my own financially, and it definitely wasn’t easy.
August 24, 2016 5:25 pm at 5:25 pm #1170886Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantps: maybe that’s why I never had time to learn how to make potato kugel 🙂
August 24, 2016 8:04 pm at 8:04 pm #1170887Ex-CTLawyerParticipantdovrosenbaum…………..
If a family lives OOT and the 20 something child is attending medical, dental or law school the chances are that that child will not be living at home. Our children attended professional schools in major US cities with frum communities and amenities. They had apartments and had to cook and clean for themselves. It happens that sons 1&2 overlapped in one apartment. Daughters 1&2 occupied a condo in Brooklyn that we purchased for their grad school days.
The only commutable first rank law or medical schools that could have allowed living at home were at Yale. Having gone to a different IVY League U and Law school it was not what I wanted for them. The boys went to Harvard, the girls went to Penn. Daughter 3 is still in undergraduate school and in a dorm in NY.
Both MRS CTL and I went to college and prof schools and lived on our own. I guess our parents had more liberal attitudes than yours. Our family also doesn’t let children marry until education is complete and a professional license in place. Child 4 graduated Law School in December, took the Bar Exam (and passed B”H) and was married just before Pesach. This system works for us.
August 24, 2016 8:06 pm at 8:06 pm #1170888SparklyMemberAugust 24, 2016 8:18 pm at 8:18 pm #1170889MenoParticipantSparkly,
Then what will happen if he’s in kollel?
Also won’t you be making tons of money as a pharmacist?
August 24, 2016 8:20 pm at 8:20 pm #1170890Lilmod UlelamaidParticipantSparkly – but does he have to be earning enough to support his family before you get married? What if he is still in school, but has plans for the way he will support his family when he finishes school and builds up his career? (the equivalent of a boy not expecting a girl to be the best cook now as long as she is willing to learn after marriage)
August 25, 2016 1:33 am at 1:33 am #1170891SparklyMemberMeno – exactly ill be a pharmacist h’h that makes LOTS of money. pharmacists are the breadwinners usually.
lilmod ulelamaid – if were both still in school Hashem will take care of us.
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