dates

Get to know each other. Talk about childhood and growing up. Favorite activities, music, food, ect…

No experience really, maybe talk about your families, and family traditions, like what you do on chol hamoed, how you spent your summers as a kid, and other nice memories of how you grew up. And obviously, listen to his/her memories too.

You can hear a lot between the lines, if the past was pleasant or bumpy, family dynamics etc.

figs

How about offer a ring? I was engaged by the second time I met my husband… (it was the same day btw…)

Another vote for doing something fun- at the very least, bring a board game, or like my cousin used to do bring a Taboo deck in your pocket for emergencies. Or a crossword puzzle, though if you think there is anything you’re not “supposed to know,” remember not to fill it in. (This has happened to me, but then again I do have a really disturbingly broad pop culture knowledge that I kind of wish I didn’t.) But if you do know something random, it can lead to interesting conversations.

I vote a museum, personally. It’s formalish enough that nobody’s scandalized about not being in a lounge anymore but also can be a lot of fun.

Or a nice park, especially this time of year, unless you’ve got my allergies in which case snuggle up in a blanket with tissues and wait til July.

Interesting conversation was never inspired by a lounge, unless you’re both the people-watching type, in which case I grant it can be very interesting indeed.

I’m with Apushuta on this one. Do something fun for the next date. Create a mood.

If you have to ask what to talk about, a lounge is not for you.

Talk about … the Coffee Room?

Ha!

Completely disagree with the above. Bowling, and many similar activities, are terrible at stimulating conversation if its already difficult.

Think about how you bowl. One person sits, and the other bowls. Then the bowler comes back, and if you don’t have anything to say, its easier for the other to go bowl his/her turn instead of staring awkwardly. You go through two games in a half hour, and then what?

When you go to a lounge, the only choice is to sit and talk, so that’s what you do. If it starts awkward, you talk awkwardly. Talk about the cliche weather if that’s all you have, and then make fun that you’re talking about the weather.

People like to make fun of yeshivish dating, but it works. We have a way better track record at high proportions of the population getting married quickly and into good marriages. Certainly way better than the critics.

How about ping-pong?

Sounds like a great idea if you don’t want to know the other person’s name at the end.

“In any event, on the second date, you aren’t supposed to go to a lounge. You are supposed to take the tram to Roosevelt Island and go to the starbucks there, and then walk along the east river if the weather isn’t too bad.

Everybody knows this.”

No wonder most girls dumped me after the second date, I didnt know this.

I did know first date protocol is Bklyn MArriot, that way even if the date goes bad at least each person will be able to see their friends…

If I were a girl and a guy brought me to Starbucks, I don’t think I’d be impressed. Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf is another matter.

I don’t like bowling as a date, like someone else mentioned, it’s generally not so tznius and doesn’t stimulate conversation. You aren’t doing it together.

I’m thinking nature walks, parks, outdoor rec centers, boardwalk… I once went shooting which was really exciting and started interesting (political?) conversations. Too bad it wasn’t a shidduch date!

And now that the weather is getting really nice go to state fairs! Hike in (populated) areas, or if you want to stay indoors go do a Mystery Room. That gives you stimulating puzzle to solve and creates a team setting where you both have to DO SOMETHING.

What about animal shelters? They always love to have volunteers to walk their dogs and give them some attention, go for it!

Visit a small self-guided museum. I’m thinking of the Ripley’s in Atlantic City. That will give you something to talk about!

If you have to ask strangers what to speak about on your date, you obviously need a setting which will be able to prompt conversation. Don’t do a lounge

whatever you do, make sure you are both dressed for the activity. a nature walk in heels is probably not a good idea. a visit to an animal shelter in her finest shabbos clothing, also probably not a good idea. the rec center dressed like she is going to shul on shabbos, not a good idea. I dont know the rules these days, but when I was dating (almost 25 years ago) it was normal (actually, it was expected) for the young man to call the young lady prior to the date and make the arrangements for the date. I heard that isnt done nowadays, so I guess you will have to use a go between to discuss what to do and how to dress.

My husband and I were at a museum in Israel many years ago, and I watched a couple in the vicinity who were obviously on a date. I felt really bad for them. Awkward!

Why would people want to date in public? So random people can observe them, and notice how awkward they are???

If you are comfortable already ok, but first few dates? Spare yourself and go somewhere private, like your sister’s living room.

CTL, obviously you must have lower-end kashrus standards if the restaurant he takes the girl to will inform him if it is acceptable to her. If he took her to a restaurant with a higher-end, more universally accepted, kashrus standards obviously it wouldn’t inform him if her kashrus standards are lower.

When you say Chaf-K, do you mean Kof-K? Because I personally am more comfortable with them than the others you mentioned. Cup-K, OTOH, is no good.

KVH is supposed to have improved, but I’m not so familiar with it.

A good dating topic this year is Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders and the election.

Lawyer, what is a ‘fix-up date?’

Queen,

When mutual friends of the dating couple (same age) decide that it would be a good idea to fix up Chaim and Sara. Often these friends are room mates or in the same shiur with them.

Back in my day it was common for girls in the dorm at Stern to fix up a fellow dorm mate with a guy at YU. The contact was usually between siblings or close cousins at the 2 schools, so the boy girl contact wasn’t unusual or improper.

Sometimes, by the time room mates have spent a couple of years living together, they have a better idea what might make a good match than a shadchan.

In those days parents didn’t demand resumes and didn’t have 100+ item checklists (demands). My eldest son is already married almost 30 years. My daughter getting married I”H this Sunday met her chusan in Law School. They were the 2 always being seated together at school functions and being served airline meals. After the second semester, a female Jewish professor strongly suggested they consider marriage, that neither one would be happy with a spouse without advanced secular education.