How do you pay for your child's wedding?

When each kid was borne, we put 5,000 pounds in an investment account, and then don’t let them get married until it equals 20,000.

POPAS DEALING IN POUNDS?

I think it’s really important question. even in towns where the local Vaad instituted cost caps on such affairs and the community adhered to them, the costs are still very high

While I do like the idea of putting aside money each year for each child, that takes a lot of commitment and sacrifice (mazal, too) considering other major expenses a family typically faces over the same period, housing and tuition being obvious examples.

I think it will take a lot of courage on the part of well known, respected and well-to-do families to trail-blaze a new approach to weddings and make them less about the pomp and circumstance and more about emotionally supporting the new couple. Once classy, wealthy people make it fashionable, there will be far less pressure on those of lesser means to over-extend themselves to keep up appearances.

with money

Goq – speak to yourself! I’m Yeshivsh and Erlich & lawful.

Some very important items to know if you are worried about paying for weddings:

Concerning support; unless the fellow is a super talmud chochim and learns 24/7, the sacrifice is not worth it.

I strongly disagree.

Obviously, what you wrote is a guzma, but the fact that you used such a big one tells me that you and I have very different ideas about his big of a masmid/talmid chochom is worth supporting.

One of the main arguments Jewish anti-feminists use is that raising children and being a wife is to a woman what learning is to a man. If so, shouldn’t people be supporting the girl in her life’s work?

Cherrybim, those four little words – “is not worth it” – bother me.

You can tell me the exact worth of any commodity or investment.

There is no way you can presume to determine with even a partial degree of accuracy the worth of sacrifice for any amount of Torah.

Goq – “ok health you can wear blinders if you choose to”

I know exactly what goes on, but don’t make general statements!

If you have problems paying for the wedding, you shouldn’t be forced to pay. It’s not your wedding.

“What really bothers me is the enormous need for parnassah sometimes trumps ethics and even laws.”

health i believe my use of the word sometimes precludes it from being a blanket statement i await your apology.

I am pretty certain goqs response was to healths rude “speak to yourself” comment, implying his observation was shtuss. Goq, who never mentioned yeshivish and never stated or implied that yeshivish people can’t be honest even explained that he wasn’t generalizing in his next post.

Not liking his comment is not the same as it not being something that is actually found among some (not all or even most) people.

Of course it’s true with some; the gemara says there’s a tremendous yetzer hora for gezel, and I made no comment implying otherwise.

I do sometimes wonder why some people seem to like to view the frum community in the worst possible light.

“I have very different ideas about his big of a masmid/talmid chochom is worth supporting.”

True, we don’t agree; but maybe you have deeper pockets than I do. If my son-in-law is not a serious learner; I’d rather he work and learn; like I do. I could use the support money to pay my own bills.

Best way: have only boys and follow the old goyishe practice of requiring the bride’s family to pay.

Second best way: cash. Most caterers insist.

I don’t know, it seems to me that the standards we have nowadays for weddings are outlandish. Why is it necessary to make a wedding with a minimum of 400 people? Why must we make our weddings in halls whose costs fly through the roof?

Why does every event surrounding a wedding- l’chaim, vort, Shabbos kallah, aufruf, Sheva Brachos- have to be so elaborate and expensive?

Obviously, when I get married, I’m going to want my simcha to be on par with everyone else’s… but, you know what? As I have attended more and more of my friends’ simchos, I have been mentally keeping track of what costs I think are unnecessary and can be cut out. I would keep a wedding small, more intimate, and more focused on the simcha rather than the accoutrements.

Health please explain you’re unique translation of sometimes.

This will be my last post on this topic you cannot have a rational conversation with people who imply the worst from truly inoffensive posts. There is reading between the lines and reading what is not there. Methinks he doth protest too much.

In the old yiddish days people would bring their own food to the reception.

Health

If you put away $100 per month into a long term high yielding mutual fund over 20 years, you should have more than enough to cover it. It is not that hard in this day and age when you have automatic payments from your checking account for your bills to have $100 deducted from your bank account to the mutual fund account

Health

I hope you mean that after all your expenses you didn’t have $100 to put away because it could be interpreted to mean that you didn’t earn $100. per month or $1,200.00 per year. Even if you are on SSI they give more than that.

What you need to do is a Cheshburn HaNefesh or budget to see where all your monthly income goes. About 20 years ago, I could barely make ends meet I made a budget and decided I didn’t need a car as I live in Brooklyn. The money saved I put in a mutual Fund and 5 years later I had enough to make a down payment on a house.

I still don’t have a car but I paid off my mortgage in 15 years.

Basically you are saying that you have faith in Hashem and he will arrange someone else to pay your debt. I on the other hand am supporting two sons who are learning, want to teach people to be self sufficient and it isn’t hard, it just requires making a budget and delaying gratification sometimes.

I hope I didn’t offend anyone. Wishing you all a Happy Healthy and Prosperous New Year

“The money saved I put in a mutual Fund and 5 years later I had enough to make a down payment on a house.”

*

If you did not buy a car, because you do not have money for this purchase, you did not save anything. Because you can’t save something you don’t have.

CV

I had a car and using it for shopping and moving it from side to side due to alternate side of the street parking and visiting on the weekends. I took the subway to work and still do. The savings was from not having to pay for gas, insurance and maintenance.

Syag

I know where you coming from I was in the same position. I was renting had tuition and was making less then $50K per year with 5 kids in a one bedroom apartment. My parents were retired and could not help financially. I needed a house.

With Hashem’s insight I made a budget and saw I could save a few thousand $ a year if I got rid of the car. That money invested in Scudder Mutual Fund over 5 years was enough to put a down payment on a house.

Try to make a budget all you have to do is add up all the income and all the expenses you had for the month.It doesn’t cost you anything just to do that. Now look at your expenses see if there is someway to reduce expenses buy store brand instead of name brand, buy food staples such as tuna or cereal when they are on sale.

If you try Hashem will help and you will succeed as it say the path that one want to travel (Hashem) will make him travel.