A guy broke up with me after 10 dates

It’s happened to many people recently and in the past. And will happen to many in the future. There reasons are many and always different for every person. It’s one of life’s challenges. We need to be strong and get past the difficulties we encounter. Sometimes it’s hard but we persist nevertheless.

Time heals. It’s hard to see it at first but it comes. And then you see you were all the better for the experience. Even though it’s hard to see when the pain is fresh.

Hatzlacha and IY”H by you.

First of all, I am sorry for your pain. This must be a very difficult time for you.

This does happen, more often than you know. It hurts a lot, but it is often a hidden pain because so few people are aware of the situation. I hope there is someone (a former sem teacher; a kind aunt) you can pour out your heart to.

This is very sad and I am sorry that this happened to you. Sometimes a boy can’t make up his mind and his advisers tell him to keep going out until he is certain that it’s “no”, so that he doesn’t make a mistake. Meanwhile the poor girl doesn’t know that he has this doubt and thinks he wants to marry her. This happened to my friend’s daughter and she was absolutely heartbroken.

But then, when the real one came along and she got engaged she realized how lucky she was not to have married the other, and how H-shem watched over her.

Now you are in pain and disappointment but one thing is absolutely

true, that boy was not your bashert.

May he come soon for you and every bat Yisrael.

Myturnatbat: that is terrible advice. The point of dating is to get attached and let yourself become vulnerable. A sad consequence is you often get hurt. But if you stop playing the game, you can never win.

I am so sorry about your current situation. Remember that the situation now is just that – current. Gam ze yaavor. Shidduchim is a hard parshah, i don’t think i need to tell you that. You are not alone in the sea of shidduchim and bezras Hashem, the right shaliach will come along soon and set you up with the right one. Just keep on davening. He is always listening.

It happened to me 14 years ago. I was going out with a great guy, we loved talking, walking around, going to dinner, and we broke up.

1 year later almost to the day, I get a call from a HS Teacher asking me if I was still interested.

3 months later we were married.

“If you think the point of marriage is children and having another person in the room, why shouldn’t the whole thing be random?”

Has to be another person in the same religious ballpark so it can’t be random.

VM, you could have had the decency to at least send an email.

MyTurnAtBat, then you still don’t have to date. You can just have a short survey:

Section 1:

What is your religious ballpark?

Do you plan to work?

Do you want to live in ______or_________?

If your answers are____________, you may proceed to section 2

Section 2:

What is your name?

Will you marry me?

Veltz Meshugener I hope you are joking.

The shadchan hopes so too. I’m not sure what his wife hopes.

A. While I hear why u might wanna go about dating without emotions, you can’t really expect a female to do that (ayin other threads about girls not able to learn I’m guessing)

B. I don’t think you shud get your hopes up to marry him when he changes his mind next year. U shud get over the break up, dust yourself off, and pick up those high heels once more.

C. No matter how it happened and who broke it of it’s always hard for both sides. Once I dropped a girl after 6 and after I pulled away I pulled over and just started screaming like a madman ($&?!). Time heals wounds, dw theres light at the end of the tunnel. You’ll get over soon, for now theres ice cream.

When i was dating, i once turned down a boy after 6 dates. I was never sure if i wanted to continue but was advised that if i dont find anything to say no about, then i should continue. At the end of the 6th date, he asked me if he could call me directly without the shadchan. I dont remember what i told him, but I got scared off and stopped the whole shidduch. B”h I am happily married for about 10 yrs…to someone else

I don’t think one needs to “apologize” for discontinuing dating someone even if after a large number of dates. One needn’t marry someone in order to avoid that person experiencing heartbreak. Of course common courtesy of a pro-forma explanation should be provided but even that should typically be limited to something along the lines that one sees the other person as a great person but simply not the right match for themselves. Giving very specific personal reasons why one chose to discontinue dating could be hurtful to the other person.

I dated a boy a bunch of times and had a very specific hesitation. Finally I decided I needed to speak to my rav that was out of town for 3 days.

I told the shadchan that I need 3 days until my rav is back in town.

The boy got hurt/upset that I was keeping him “on hold”. He said its not mentchlich to keep a shidduch mid-way on standstill.

When I told my hesitations to the rav he advised me to continue with the shidduch, but by this time the boy was no longer interested in me.

I was heartbroken and so was he as I heard later from his relative. That shidduch never happened. I took this whole saga very hard throughout my dating years. I thought this boy was for me. It wasn’t easy at that time.

“Gam Ze Ya’avor”