Home › Forums › Shidduchim › Yated interview with "the Shadchan"
- This topic has 13 replies, 8 voices, and was last updated 11 years, 7 months ago by Brony.
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March 24, 2013 6:04 pm at 6:04 pm #608758HealthParticipant
I read this interview in the Yated with this Lakewood Shadchan. I’d like to discuss some of his points. As far as whether there is a crisis or not -he really doesn’t give an opinion, but he says the Gedolim’s Kol Koray have made the situation worse. Why? Because he says now the girls and their families are very nervous/concerned that the girl won’t get married and this forces them not to do as much checking as they would like.
IMHO, this is a good thing because as it is people are way too picky and sometimes focus on things that really aren’t important in life.
He also says that the Kol Koray has made the boys more picky which he thinks adds to the problems. They pick and choose from any age group. My question is why aren’t they enforcing dating basically around the same age? Lakewood enforces a time of non-dating called the “freezer” -they can also push the Shadchanim and boys to heed the Gedolim and try to date girls around the same age.
And finally he says people should have more Emunah in Hashem to find their Zivug. He quotes the Gra that says you need No Histadlus what-so-ever to find your Shidduch, but then he says Rav S.Z. Aurebach zt’l says it means minimum Histadlus.
To me this is hypocrisy at its’ finest. The whole idea of using a professional Shadchan is a lack of Bitochon to some degree and even if you say it’s just making Histadlus -this wouldn’t be called minimum Histadlus, but major Histadlus. An example of minimum Histadlus would be asking your friends, family, neighbors if they know anyone for you, Not using Professional Shadchunim!
March 24, 2013 6:23 pm at 6:23 pm #941208Veltz MeshugenerMemberLakewood is the source of whatever problem there is, since there is a bottleneck in getting to the shidduch age boys, 90% of whom are in Lakewood. But if anyone would point that out, then instead of ridiculous notions like boys dating younger, we might have people supporting other yeshivas, which can’t happen.
March 24, 2013 6:37 pm at 6:37 pm #941209HealthParticipantVM -“Lakewood is the source of whatever problem there is, since there is a bottleneck in getting to the shidduch age boys, 90% of whom are in Lakewood. But if anyone would point that out, then instead of ridiculous notions like boys dating younger, we might have people supporting other yeshivas, which can’t happen.”
What prob are you talking about that exists here – the “freezer”, or like I said that they don’t enforce the “Kol Koray”, or something else?
March 24, 2013 6:41 pm at 6:41 pm #941210Torah613TorahParticipantNot this again… I thought it was a great interview and was relieved to see at least one shadchan doesn’t think that making girls panic is a great idea.
March 24, 2013 6:45 pm at 6:45 pm #941211BronyParticipantI can hardly stay awake talking to lakewood dudes, can’t even imagine what it must be like dating one. maybe one of those “ran a pool hall out of his dira” types, but I only seem to find da ones who wont shut up about the irv. i feel for u girls.
March 24, 2013 9:04 pm at 9:04 pm #941212HIEParticipantbrony: Do you hear about the CRAZY HOUSE too? or only the irv.
March 24, 2013 10:02 pm at 10:02 pm #941213Veltz MeshugenerMemberHealth, I’m referring to the fact that for a particular subset of girls in a community, the only possible shidduchim will be in Lakewood, whereas if there were lots of small yeshivas in other places, there would be more people who would be able to redt shidduchim to more men and women.
March 24, 2013 10:39 pm at 10:39 pm #941214147ParticipantMaybe by nature of the main industry in Lakewood NJ, there is a huge surplus of boys over girls, which may less apparent in other locations on this globe.
March 24, 2013 10:57 pm at 10:57 pm #941215BronyParticipanttell me about dis crazy house, sounds my speed. actually don’t, i need to stay awake.
March 24, 2013 11:02 pm at 11:02 pm #941216Veltz MeshugenerMember147, as far as I know, the Yeshiva doesn’t actually manufacture men or boys. Whichever ones are there came from somewhere.
March 28, 2013 6:04 am at 6:04 am #941218HealthParticipantVM -“Lakewood is the source of whatever problem there is”
“Health, I’m referring to the fact that for a particular subset of girls in a community, the only possible shidduchim will be in Lakewood, whereas if there were lots of small yeshivas in other places, there would be more people who would be able to redt shidduchim to more men and women.”
I’m not one to defend Lakewood but this isn’t Lakewood’s fault.
If the community (wherever it is) only want Lakewood types for their girls then they should send their boys to Yeshivos in their community and Not to Lakewood. You can’t have your cake and eat it. If a community sees that their girls are having trouble getting married -why are they still sending their boys to Lakewood?
March 28, 2013 3:08 pm at 3:08 pm #941219pet peeveMemberBrony
+1
!!!!!!!
March 28, 2013 4:32 pm at 4:32 pm #941220WIYMemberBrony
So you talk to Lakewood boys out of a dating environment? Doesn’t sound kosher to me.
March 29, 2013 12:28 am at 12:28 am #941221BronyParticipanti try my hardest not to, but it happens.
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