How can one judge favorably for this?

perhaps her emotions, her almost at tears made the rabbi uncomfortable. Perhaps he didn’t feel it’d be tznius for her to cry in front of him, whether that she’d regret it, or that he didn’t want to feel emotional sympathy. So he took out his phone to break the tension and build-up of the moment. To keep her from crying. Or maybe he was texting for a better answer to give her, not knowing himself how to best respond.

It might have been an urgent text. There is such a thing.

It doesn’t sound like the most sensitive thing the Rabbi could have done, but we don’t know enough of the story to judge anything.

You can learn about Takfa Kohen, Shibbud d’Rav Natan, and so on in books. You cannot learn how to be an empathetic, supportive, listening, embracing counselor in books. These are middot a person either has or they don’t have, and based on the many hagiographies I’ve read, those who have been the greatest in Torah were the greatest in these middot (eg/ Rav Pam embracing the children with Down’s Syndrome and giving candy to trick or treaters on Halloween; Rav Yisrael Salanter and the crying baby, etc.)

I feel that these middot tovot come naturally to a person, that they’re somehow either innate or learned behaviors, from parents, rebbeim, anybody that has exerted a good hashpa’ah.

brotherofurs

Welcome back. First of all you should know he may be a Rabbi but he is human and most likely even if he has worked on many of his flaws he still has many he may not be aware of so dont expect perfection or even near perfection, especially if we are talking about a Rabbi who is young or relatively so.

Another thing, most Rabbis today are busier today than Rabbonim of yesteryear because now they get called, emailed, texted and people also call them at home and expect them to be always on call. I know of Rabbonim that get texted serious Shaylos. On a regular basis. So please dont be quick to judge this Rabbi. He may have been expecting an important text or he always must check every text that comes in as it comes in to make sure its not an emergency.

As a further point, I think your friend has to realize that while she may have been feeling like she was saying something very important and personal, she may not have disclosed that to the Rabbi before he picked up his phone. As you yourself said “and was ready to disclose a serious problem,” “The situation was so hard for her at home that she was ready to cry.” You expect him to read minds too?!

WIY:

Good point.

Really? I thought that “hers” at the end was for sure wrong somehow.