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when i married off my child, my siblings did not make sheva brochas; now my sibling’s child is getting married, do i offer or do i keep quiet.
Are you kidding us? Of course you should offer to make sheva brachos you would like to.
Or, you could just never talk to your sibling again. That would also work.
We are enjoined in the Torah to refrain from taking nekama (Lo Tikom)against another Jew. I believe it is Rashi who explains that nekama is defined as (i.e), “You didn’t lend me your rake, so I won’t lend you my rake.” Another halacha related to this is Lo Titor, which is one step further where one tells his fellow Jew, “Even though you didn’t lend me your rake, I will nonetheless lend you mine.” Both are no-nos. BTW, you may not realize WHY your sibs did not make S”B for your child. There could have been extenuating circumstances to which you were not made privy because you were a baal simcha. Something to think about…
So, if you want to make S”B for your niece/nephew, do so with a full heart. Or don’t, but not specifically for the sake of “getting even.” That’s just not a particularly good middah to have or to model for your kids.
1. Do you want to make sheva brachos? What is your relationship with your sibling and with your niece/nephew?
2. What does your spouse think (I hope you don’t value my opinion more than that of your spouse!)
3. If you want to make sheva brachos, but don’t b/c your sibling didn’t make for you, it might be an issue of nekama. Discuss with your rav.
You should definitely make the sheva brochos. It will help you love your siblings and nephews/nieces more as well as help you overcome your negative feelings of revenge and being upset at your siblings for their perceived slight of not making a S”B for your child.
As well as you know your silbling, do you REALLY know him/her?
Maybe when you had your simcha, something was going on in her life that she didn’t want ANYONE to know about. Maybe the siblings spouse found a tumor ch”v and they weren’t sure what it was. Maybe there was “mis” in the family and she wasn’t able. Maybe someone had to go the “M” that night and couldn’t promise.
Being dan l’kag zechus applies to sisters and brothers as well. May your sibling just can’t handle it. And if you could and all works out then TOVOI OLECH/OLECHA bracha!
I say, if you can, do it with a SMILE. Boruch Hashem people are getting married and simchos all around. Mazel Tov
i think that since it wud be a huge challenge of overcoming ur hard feeling u shud take this chance and tell Hashem that since ur not bearing a grudge it shud be a zchus for blank…
You have to ask a Rov who is familiar with the particulars of your situation.
Marge, kol hakavod lach. Mazel tov on the upcoming family simcha.
i do realize that this is/would have been nekama. i got over my pain & am ready to offer sheva brochas.
No, you haven’t gotten over you pain. One does not get over pain by realizing that it is nekama.
You should do it because you want to have a relationship with your sister even if she hurt you.
Then, you should think back and rationalize from her perspective why she may not have made sheva brachos even though she does love you and care about you. And if you can’t get past it, you should ask her (in a few months, not now).
You are not making a sheva brachos for your sibling you are making it for the chosson and kalla, your niece and nephew.
You mentioned your siblings. What are the other siblings doing?
marge, is it a money issue? In my family we have two siblings that are well off B”H, they can easily afford to make sheva brachos for nieces etc. While the rest of the siblings would have to struggle to undertake it.
i do realize that this is/would have been nekama.
& if you do go ahead and make these Schewa Berochos, who says it won’t be a “Netiro” scenario?
So either way, you are in a no win situation.
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