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I was waiting to board a flight tonight with my husband and baby, and something happened that had upset me so much I was actually shaking after it happened. I want to know if you think I was wrong, overreacted, or was completely right. I had 2 friends with me as well who are on my team but I can’t NOT share this story.
I was going to get coffees before the flight and my his and was going to change my baby’s diaper. We have never flown with him before btw. My husband took out his changing pad and put it by his feet where he was sitting and put my son on it. This woman sitting near him says ” that is So disgusting that’s what they make bathrooms for”. So my husband said oh i have never flown with him I didn’t know they had changing tables, ok”. He didn’t change him. When I walked back he told me what happened, and he went to the bathroom to change my son. The woman about 4 feet away is now on the phone and says ” UHg I have never seen such disgusting parents. How the (bleep) could they change him infront of me it’s so repulsive what terrible parents” then she laughed and said a few more nasty words and hung up. OH BOY. I said excuse me mam, do you have children? She yelled of course I do and I would never change him where people sit it’s disgusting, you are disgusting. We had a back and forth and I told her to stop talking to me, that I didn’t care what her opinion was and that she disgusts me with her behavior. She yelled at me again, and I noticed that she had no ring on her finger so I said” I notice you have no ring, why am I mt surprised”. She said here ( showing me her phone) I was talking to my husband I can prove it”. It was so dumb and stupid, I almost regret saying that about her ring ony because I could care less. Anyway, that was my rant and I am extremely annoyed and just want to hear what everyone thinks! BH we landed safe if anyone was wondering :).
It’s ok, you didn’t know. And she didn’t know that you didn’t know.
Was it a jewish women?
I have taken airplanes with babies and have seen such people countless times. They usually have “babies” which are dogs or cats R”L and they think human babies are disgusting and smelly, but they actually enjoy the stink of the cats and the dogs, you should enter some houses! which looks so expensive, spotless and in perfect order, they could go on TV except for the detail the cameramen might vomit! They also don’t see it as a problem to pick up the animals’ excrements, nor to be licked in the face etc etc. Their problem is in their soul, not in their noses. Just avoid such people, but please be very aware they exist. Oh, and they petition airlines all the time to have “children-free” flights.
Superme I do not think it was a jewish woman.
MorahRach-
Sounds like you had the misfortune of running into a nut/crank.
Ignoring people like that is probably best. Engaging an unreasonable, hostile stranger in an argument immediately puts you in a no-win situation.
As I tell my family members, when a dog barks at you, don’t bark back. Occasionally, I even practice what I preach ?
Morah – Airports, airplanes and changing diapers are 3 situations that do not bring out the best in people. Having said that, I am certainly not excusing her behavior, but as a semi-frequent traveler it does not surprise me. I would probably have reacted as you did, and my husband would probably have told me to ignore her; she’s a nut, and embarrassing herself all on her own.
Popa would be right, except that after you husband agreed to go to the restroom, she should have dropped it. She’s a nasty, obnoxious person.
Telling her she must be divorced was a bit much, but I can understand your emotional state at the time.
Your question is who was right the answer is neither, you were both in the wrong, she was in the wrong for making such a (pardon the pun) stink about it and you were wrong for throwing her marital status or the lack of one in her face that was below the belt i understand you were angry but that was uncalled for.
**I know i said i was on a posting hiatus but i felt i needed to posit on this topic.
(Hi Goq,lol!!!!)
I actually agree with the Goq and she was totally out of line and nasty beyond nasty. However your sharp retort you threw back was (understandably) a bit too harsh, and should have just apologized politely and remained silent. Believe me, I’m sure everyone there (especially because they were mostly jews) looked at this crazy woman and realized how she was totally over-reacting to the situation.
The Goq: +1
MorahRach: Having young children of my own, I can understand how your felt. But i was a bit surprised as i was reading your rant time and again when you actually took the time and energy to answer/retort back to her. People like that arent worth your time, energy or frustrations. Being silent (after your husband apologized and explained) in a situation like this is the best comeback.
I also agree with Goq, with one more piece. I’m also not a big fan of when people change diapers in public. When my kids were babies, I never changed them in public unless there was absolutely no other choice. I’d go to a bathroom, even if there wasn’t a changing table. I got a very large changing pad and disinfectant wipes, and I even did it on the floor of a bathroom stall once.
I definitely think the woman overreacted. A simple, “Excuse me, it really bother me when people do that, would you mind going to use the table in the bathroom?” would have been fine. Her reaction was way over the line.
Your response about her marital status was also way over the line.
daniela: I don’t see what animal owners have to do with this. There was no indication the woman owns a pet. I have friends and neighbors who own pets and they are extremely nice people. I can assure you that they don’t enjoy cleaning up after their dogs or changing litter boxes. That’s why there are so many products out there to help with it so the owner doesn’t have to touch the stuff or get too close to it. You also have no clue whether the woman is Jewish or not.
As a Jew you dont have to be right or wrong, your job is to make a kiddush Hashem, your Proper response should have been, Im sorry my husband offended you, thank you for letting him know they have changing tables. He’s new at this….
The only thing you accomplished by “engaging her” is making a chillul Hashem. IMHO
My take?
I also think the changing table would have been the proper option (though I’ve done it DISCREETLY in the provided cradle). But she was TOTALLY out of line, totally. So it wasn’t your husband’s actions that really set it off, it was her. No. There is no shortage of sonei Yisroel. And your retort, while I really don’t think you’d do that in a calm, peaceful atmosphere, was brought upon by her. OK, it was incorrect, but ??? ??? ???? ?? ??? ????, a person cannot be held accountable for something he does under extreme duress, pain. It was some sort of attempt to deflect from your humiliation, mortification. An attempt to “fight back”. I don’t blame you the least.
Think of this episode as another painful galus wound, another tear bringing our geulah closer.
Not “animal owners”. Animal worshippers. I am not referring to normal people who keep an animal because it is useful to them and considers it “belongings”, which of course, we care for. There are individuals who instead consider an animal a “family member”, which, being European, I have already heard about.
I think leaving a baby in the dirt is not the epitome of kindness.
I will not reply about your other remark about you out of the nothingness wondering if the woman is Jewish: you do your checks.
MorahRach – It wasn’t considerate to others to change your child in public, but I think it’s understandable why you reacted the way you did. The only thing is, these types of “people” (and I use the term very loosely) make such a scene because they are looking to get into open arguments with strangers. They’re dimented, cruel, and evil. She was actually looking for a confrontation, and it would have gotten to her more if you would have just ignored her and pretended like she was nothing more than the annoying, whining child that she is. That being said, may she and all other reshaaim b’meizid get what’s coming to them, soon, with the coming of Mashiach…Amen.
I also agree with goq thats why I asked if he was Jewish or not. Find out but you might be halachiy obligated before rosh hashanah to ask forgiveness all the best
I just want to agree with curiosity and others who said it isn’t proper to change a baby in public.It is very rude and insensitive to wipe a dirty baby in public and if someone did it next to me I would be grossed out and I would ask them to do it in a secluded quite place not next to people. You may think your baby is adorable and not be grossed out by his or her nasty diapers and just accept changing them as a regular chore that you give no thought to but to other people it can be nauseating. So all Mommies and Daddies please do your diaper changing in private. And please NEVER change a diaper in a room that people are eating in like the kitchen or dining room. My sister once pulled that one and I flipped out. Its really nasty to do this.
You asked a question, and after thinking about it, I have a carefully-considered answer. You were both wrong. Your husband innocently (but nonetheless not correctly) started to change what I assume was a messy diaper in public. For many reasons, that is not a good idea, some of which you may not have considered. Aside from the unsanitary conditions (at least on the changing tables in the restroom, only babies are being placed), someone could have snapped a photo of your husband and baby (undiapered), and sent it into cyberspace. While I am sure some people are groaning now that I thought of this, it has happened before.
Sometimes you have an emergency and the public is the only place, but please consider that not all people enjoy the sight of a baby being cleaned up and changed. Some people even get nauseous at the sight (and odor). We love our babies and don’t think twice about it, but you wouldn’t want people to watch your toddler using the bathroom in public, your baby should not be treated differently.
The woman was WAY out of line, especially if she was using unsuitable language. But once you saw she was clearly in need of anger control, you should not have further engaged with her. What you said ( I am sorry to say) to her was also out of line, though I DO understand what prompted you to say it. Honestly, I would have picked up and moved to a different area after that and not spoken to her at all.
I might have said (if anything), “You’re right – I’m sorry that we offended you; have a nice day,” and would have moved on. That would have shocked her, and shut her up.
I wouldn’t change a child in public. But if I made a mistake and did, and that animal said that to me, I’d take my time doing the diaper change sloooowlllly all the while not answering or otherwise acknowledging she even exists.
Well if you don’t want to take advice from anyone how come you asked it seems that any time someone gives u advice you throw it back in there face so just go ask a rav then wat todo
Your a mother that’s why. You are used to it some people just can’t stand it. Maybe that women never had children,maybe when she saw ur husband change the baby she was reminded of it idk but let’s all be ?? ??? ???? you never know she might be feeling guilty and talking to the airport tryi g to get in touch withyou. Good luck
this is the type of story where it doesnt matter who was right or wrong because you are never going to see this person again. the more you focus on it the more it will continue to bother you. im sorry you had the misfortune of meeting this lady but im quite sure she has already forgotten about the incident. so just let bygons be bygons! hey be thankful your husband actually changes diapers! i hope others were watching and taking note! 🙂
Mercury – lol hope everyone was!!
Morahrach- just anytime someone said something you were ready to “battle” it
What did I throw back in anyone’s face?
Luckily, not the diaper. (I don’t think you offended anyone.)
it doesnt matter who was right or wrong because you are never going to see this person again
It matters for next time. It seems that the lesson was learned, b”H.
hey be thankful your husband actually changes diapers! i hope others were watching and taking note! 🙂
Yes 🙁
🙂 (Don’t worry, I do change diapers.)
i am so glad you are feeling better about the situation! BH!. i knew over time you would. now you can start to laugh about it. anyways i wasnt joking about the diaper thing. im glad a few of you got a laugh from it but my husband admitted to me he never changed a diaper in his life (hes 27) and truly thinks hes gonna keep it that way. hes not a baby person and can care less when i talk about baby products and stuff. he doesnt like holding them or cuddling them either. i see it with his own neices and nephews. how do you think that makes me feel when our baby is due in 4 weeks!? my mother said its becuase his paternal instinct wont come out till after becuase as long as he doesnt see a live baby it doesnt really exist to him yet. so obviously hes still in denial about what he thinks his role as a father is. but still, the fact that your husband did it in PUBLIC of all places eventho you were around is huge! from everything we go through in life no matter how ichy we feel from it, theres always good that comes from it so count your lucky stars missy! 🙂
Mercury- “at the right time” keep us posted
Cats are cleaner and less smelly than human babies. Teddy bears even cleaner. That doesn’t mean a teddy bear or cat can be someone’s baby.
Wow!! How in the world do you go digging up old (“used”) diapers?!?
I’m a mom of kids-not cats I do not think one changes children in public. Airport behavior should be similar to Ines behavior in a bank. So, unless you consider changing diapers OK in the bank,don’t change kids in an airport. Further its never OK to shout, yell,or insult. Any shred of right you had,you lost with the ring comment
Oish… before you go and condemn, kindly peek at my post above… OK, she wasn’t the one to start the fray.. she was attempting to defray, a most natural instinct.
She knows she wouldn’t react like that in the normal circumstance, (she’s a Morah Rach!), obviously she looking for our comforting words of support, not condemnation, criticism.
RebYidd23 – “Cats are cleaner and less smelly than human babies”
The cats that live by us clean themselves. Just yesterday I saw one doing that. Babies are meant to have s/o take of them. This is the Chessed of Hashem, to teach you the meaning of Chessed!
oops.. just rechecked. Anything wrong with what I posted?
Seems like they’re analyzing, studying, probing, examining, researching my few sentences for over 9 hours. Hope they come to a gmar din before shkia..
I heard they were removing changing tables from airplane bathrooms did anyone travel recently and notice? 10 yrs ago they had them on planes, in airports and big stores like Wallmart, PathMark etc.
I really think that the woman shouldn’t have been rude to you, because that is NEVER correct; but when all is said and done, your husband shouldn’t have been changing the baby in public. It was an honest mistake and you’ll know for next time. DONT STRESs
I think that the moral of the story is not to allow husbands to change diapers.
ramat: You’re missing two words “in public”.
I personally never changed my kids in a very public place, for many reasons. It probably IS quite disgusting to someone whose baby it is not, to see someone’s baby’s dirty diaper. It can also be malodorous, and another person could be making a bracha or davening (or eating a sandwich) nearby. The point is that we have to be sensitive to the sensibilities of the people around us. That said, the woman who made an issue in the way in which she did, was a little over the top and obnoxious, even if one agrees with her sentiment. The comment about the ring was unnecessary.
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