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From my experience you can never tell someone, “Don’t EVER do ……..”. cuz you know what? We are all so different and especially in this area of shidduchim does this show even more. What works for one, may not work for the other. I sincerely think that in shidduchim you must be yourself, let your guard down, and think for yourself- don’t listen to others how you must think, feel, do, not do etc.
If you hate lounges don’t go to a lounge! If you feel like the date should go more for 40 minutes and having a great time go ahead! This is your life and no one elses. you need to do what works for YOU.
@Ringless- agreed!
Talking about how much you would rather meet a girl in a casual setting- when we were set up by a shadchan- uncool!
Also, saying how much you wanted to go out with another girl (she said no, can you imagine?) = total dating-word-vomit
Although this worked for me I wouldn’t suggest anyone else try it. I remember from my dating days I was the queen of doing and saying the wrong things. I must have been if I rarely got past a first or second date. I was 27. My luck for finding someone remotely of what I wanted was dwindling by the nanosecond. And it came to a point where I lost all interest in dating, So I decided the next time I’m going to do something wrong on purpose because Ive had enough. And on the first date with the next boy, I told the boy all of my problems, all my family’s problems, all my negative personality traits and mentioned straight out if hes not attracted to me he should bring me home. Basically I laid every reason why he would possibly say no out on the table now instead of later so he wouldnt waste my time. Anyways you know what that boy’s response was? “Yes! no surprises!” We have now been married for 13 months.
Girls: don’t say that you don’t like to cook!
Do not EVER talk about former bad dates or any of your ex-boyfriends/girlfriends.
Guys: don’t say racist jokes!
Don’t know Ringless, I loved the long driving times when I was dating, we had the best conversations then. I was always a bit disappointed when we got there.
It was also great to gauge reactions in the one driving – do they flip out if they get lost? Do they give some change to the homeless man begging at the intersection? Are they respectful of the law? (JFTR, my eventual spouse was “no” on the first and “yes” on the second and third. 🙂
“You’re not as XYZ as I expected!”. where XYZ is among the following: Tall, thin, handsome, Jewish, Ashkenazi, wealthy, smart, accomplished, young, well-mannered, educated, well-dressed, on-time, frum, witty, interesting, clean, dumb, cheap, ugly, slovenly, etc.
yeah, i agree, its a no-no for either party to discuss former dates. simple dating etiquette
Be selective with jokes (nothing passive aggressive). I once went out with someone who quipped when I was a bit late coming down to greet him “do you want me to go back to Jersey and come back?” (meaning, you took forever). It was obnoxious and rude. I shouldn’t have kept him waiting, but his poor humor made an awful impression.
Don’t take girls to popular lounges where they’ll meet all of their friends.
Let the girl know before an “active date” that high heels aren’t recommended.
And also don’t curse out your dates parents.
What’s an “active date”?
Anyways, a guy should never advise a girl how to dress. He shouldn’t even discuss with her how she dresses.
I think this whole thread is stupid and pointless. This is just “educating” people to not be themselves on dates which just makes for people being fake on dates so you first find out who they are when you get engaged and then have to break the engagement (or certainly a lot of disappointment) when you realize the person was hiding a lot from you and isnt the person you thought they were.
Stick to what’s approved to say by rabonim and shadchanim.
WIY- There are some things that people do that they would do with a friend, but don’t realize how inappropriate it may be on a date. Some people think that a long drive is great for a date, while they can get some direction here that not every girl will agree with it, and some may feel very uncomfortable. I think that it’s okay for a girl to tell her friends that she doesn’t like to cook and that it’s okay for a guy to tell his friends racist jokes. For a date? NOT!
farrocks: I call an “active date” any date that includes a ton of walking, or any activity that would make it really hard to wear heels like. going to six flags, walking on a boardwalk, etc.
The guy can simply suggest before the date that she may want to wear comfortable, regular shoes. There’s nothing wrong with it, and every girl appreciates it greatly.
Some thing you might want to try when you go pick her up for the first time tell her your freind couldnt come so came for him
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