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During an upsherin how does a father teach the son the mitzvah of peyos or keeping peyos behind the ear if the father doesnt have peyos behind the ear himself? Does he have to now shave peyos himself like his sons for proper chinuch?
Two things: Kids are extremely perceptive to inconsistencies and get jealous when they realize they have a different set of rules then their parents. Second, kids want to be like the grown-ups. If the big boys (even more so the tatty) do something, the kid will want to be like them. If the tatty doesn’t do something, the kids will resent being forced to do it.
I thought that most little boys have their payos cut according to what their father has.
We got our sons payos cut to go behind his ears and when he went to preschool, most of the boys just had a bit of hair in front of their ears. My son wanted us to cut his off. Now that he’s in yeshiva, he hasnt made a comment.
I agree – if you believe that it’s important for your child to have long peyos, then why wouldn’t you have them yourself, too? But when I see that a kid has them and his father doesn’t, I usually assume it is either the child’s preference or some stupid school rule (although there is plenty of bad parenting out there, so who knows).
it is quite usual for a father to wear his peyos different than his sons. It is not bad parenting nor bad chinuch.
Usually, the boys wear their peyos like their classmates.
If it isn’t your minhag why are you doing it for your son?
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