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There are times when I am called upon to give advice to certain people be it teen siblings or friends…
I noticed that when giving advice what comes natural is to say things like “you NEED to…” or “you SHOULD…” and similar statements. To me it sounds a bit too direct and possibly confrontational. I am trying to come up with better ways of communicating my advice so that it doesnt sound so direct and it will be easier for the person to accept it.
One thing I tried recently is saying “you WANT to” instead of “you NEED to.” I think that is an improvement.
I’m looking for some more examples of these.
Thanks for your contributions.
Give room for him/her to realise what’s needed themselves e.g ‘I think it might be beneficial if you did XYZ – what do you think?’ People naturally resist a direct instruction and are more amenable to a suggestion that they then affirm themselves.
echo what they have said just in a more positive light for example
a kid tells you “i have no friends” answer them with “so you think you dont have a lot of friends and you want to have some more”
The most important thing about advice, in my opinion; don’t give it, unless asked for it. And I know I just kind of contradicted myself because you weren’t asking about that, but yeah…
Otherwise you can use “What about xyz?” Where xyz is a possible option or alternative to the dilemma. When you come out asking it as a question you are humbly implying that maybe the person whom you are conversing with has already thought of it, and are also opening it up for discussion, without being forceful.
How about advice on giving tips?
15% is plenty!
great topic, WIY, looking for more positive ways to communicate w/o coming off as a superior know-it-all…and w/ great responses
15% is plenty!”
LOL!!!!!!
In general when I am asked for advice, I have to assess the situation AND the person asking me. What I would tell one person, might not be the best idea for the next one. Even the same person asking for advice, might need to be addressed in different ways at different tiems.
I just had that situation with a close friend who was having a problem with a child (an adult), and she was VERY angry about it. Sometimes, my friend just needs the “echoing” of her feelings. This time, however, I flat out told her that I could see how very upset she was by what had happened, but that if she responded to her child the way she intended, and as she indicated to me, she would be saying something to the child that could never be taken back – it would harm their relationship irreparably.
I asked her to think really hard about what I was saying, and that while I agreed that her hurt feelings had a justifiable component, she was not at that moment in anger, able to look at the situation through her child’s eyes, and that there was a justifiable element in that child’s point of view, as well. I asked her to strongly reconsider how she planned to handle the situation, and she informed me this week, that she DID think it over, her anger had thankfully abated, and she did not do what she was going to do, after all. I am greatly relieved, because I don’t want to see a lack of sholom bayis betweeen parent and child, especially over something that while disappointing to the parent, is really the child’s decision.
If you didn’t realize, my question was in jest. (oh, really) A play on the OP
And I responded in kind 🙂
People enjoy talking about themselves and they like when they can associate with whatever topic comes up in a conversation. Whenever I want to give advice, I do it by way of talking about myself and describing what I would do in such a situation. The other person always ends up justifying what they do (without me ever having said anything about them!) and they usually get the hint on their own without any prodding.
“maybe…”, “what if…”
Btw Rabbi YY Rubinstein was listed in some english magazine as one of top ten ppl to go to for advice, ask him for techniques!
WIY then you are really missing something! But happens to be he is vry easy to approach so try looking him up…
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