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Is googling a prospective date, and checking out her facebook pages, due diligence or plain spooky?
spooky and just wrong IMO
It’s, a little, stalkerish. I think, prospective employers, do it, though.
due diligence.
As a girl, i’d be creeped out. But do what you like.
Why should it be any worse than calling her friends, referances, rabbis, schoolmates, asking half the town about her, checking out her educational and family history, her tastes, hobbies, chesed work, employment, and yichus.
Checking google and facebook is not only less intrusive than any of the above, but no one even has to know you’ve checked her out online.
I think checking out Facebook is normal. Googling her, not so much.
I think not googling her, is negligence per se.
Internet Rule #1: If you don’t want the whole world to know something, don’t put it on facebook or anywhere else online.
How else will you get a picture?
totally nothing wrong with googling or facebooking to find out info!!! I f you want to find out some more about the person that is just another way of doing research! what is the big deal that its on the internet?
I once Googled someone- not a prospective shidduch, and found alot of things that she probably would not have wanted anyone to see. Chats she had, pictures she didn’t know were public… It wasn’t very good. But I got what I wanted…
I think it’s okay to Google someone. It’s stalkery to make a fake Facebook account to friend someone you want information on. There is a difference.
On what grounds would anyone object to being googled? And facebook is only what someone themselves posted to it.
I think it’s okay to Google someone. It’s stalkery to make a fake Facebook account to friend someone you want information on. There is a difference.
maskim
If she has a somewhat common name, or even if it’s not (she could have relatives with same name), just make sure you got the right person. You might say I don’t want this girl based on x or y that I read about her, when it’s totally a different person.
I google everyone I know (and lookup their facebook as well.) Family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc. It isn’t a big deal.
How can Google differentiate between two people with the same name?
the more info, the better
Isn’t she/he someone you might eventually think of marrying?
#The other day I was redt to a guy with a nice Jewish name.
I got his resume with no picture. So, I googled him with the place he lives, and got a picture of the most handsome guy I ever saw.
He had a few things hashkafically that I didn’t like, but I kept giving excuses for him, without even consciously realizing why…
L’maaseh, the shadchan sent me a pic the next day, and suffice it to say, it was a far cry…
And, I said no 🙂
We people are shallow, and looks do count for girls and guys!
And I was so relieved after I said no, because Deep down, I knew it wasn’t for em but was blinded by his looks..
So maybe we shouldn’t google them..
But, maybe we should, what if they have a criminal record…
Unfortunately it is a necessity these day.
Theres nothing wrong with doing so
ALWAYS- you never know what you can find out. Always Google, check Facebook, Instagram, twitter, LinkedIn (but make sure your not logged in :O) etc.
You’d be surprised what you can learn about a person
The only thing stalkerish is if you are signed in to linked in (they can see you checked them out) or you make/use a face account to request them if they are on private- that is taking it to far.
Should I Google my wife?
Google the prospective in-laws too, anything that you may discover is no ones business but yours no need to let anyone else know why you said no.
Here it is at last!
This thread is the REAL reason for the shidduch crisis.
Attention R’ NASI, R’ Rechnitz (who prefers we refer to it as a shidduch Catastrophe), shadchanim great and small, and last but for sure not least- Singles!
It’s time to throw out your Kol koreis, your (not exactly mathematically astute) calculations of gaps, and your prior notions.
In the olden days and way back when before Al Gore (or whoever it was) discovered the internet, we were not so smart. We didn’t have so much information. We didn’t demand so much information. We didn’t do investigations that would put the the work of the CIA, the Mossad, and the KGB to shame when someone suggested we go on a date. We didn’t have lists and prerequisites and protocols that had to be followed precisely and obsessively before we agreed to meet somebody.
What today’s singles (and their parents) have accomplished with their cleverness is that they’ve outsmarted themselves from finding happiness in marriage.
Which always, since the creation of Chava, required a certain leap of faith. Or, if you prefer, a solid dose of Bitachon.
How does that explain the imbalance?
I thought Lior solved the imbalance in the other thread when he said
Girls dating pictures helps
If enough girls marry pictures, it should even out the numbers.
PAA: Please provide the quote with its full sentence as it is out of context the way you chopped off half the comment.
I don’t think the full sentence affects anything. I wasn’t trying to make you say something you hadn’t said. I was implying that you didn’t write your sentence properly.
Here’s the original sentence:
Girls dating pictures helps, basically, with boys looking for vanity.
It still says that girls are dating pictures. Or alternatively it could be that “dating” is an adjective modifying “pictures” but I don’t think you meant that either. I think if you would have left out the word “dating” it would have expressed exactly what you meant to say.
Don’t think that I’m a grammar critic; I was just making a joke, until you called me out on it.
I never took you to be the joking type.
Really? Why ever not?
Because you don’t use emoticons?
Good point. There have actually been many times when I wanted to use an emoticon, but I just couldn’t do it. Actually, the vast majority of those times were probably so that you (DaasYochid) wouldn’t take my comments personally.
I wasn’t supposed to take them personally?
Let me clarify. Since I don’t use emoticons, it is possible that a statement might appear harsh, even though there is no specific attack within the statement. So I’m pointing out that I don’t mean them in a mean way. There have been a few times where I thought that it was VERY possible for my statement to be misunderstood, and I therefore specified that it was not meant as an attack, or I wrote that I would insert an emoticon if I could.
Is that a yes?
Well are you referring to a specific statement? If I said something three years ago, there’s a chance that I meant it personally. But if it’s something that I said in the past year then it almost definitely was not meant personally. Unless it was something complimentary.
So is that a no?
PAA- in answer to ur question…HA!
didnt know you had it in you.
oyyoyyoy:
How does that answer my question?
LOL at the first paragraph!
I can’t agree to that. If someone else also would not want to go out with the person if they had the same information, shouldn’t they be given it?
That probably depends on the individual case, actually. AYLOR.
(The post is by Patur, mods.)
Joke aside, I don’t see how “dating” could be meant as anything but an adjective for pictures here (it refers to their use), and removing it would not make the sentence correct, as it lacks something to connect “girls” to “pictures.” Either of these would work:
“Girls’ dating pictures help”
“Girls having dating pictures helps”
“Girls’ dating pictures help”
“Girls having dating pictures helps”
Guys dating girls would be the biggest help. All these silly dating protocols that do nothing to facilitate boys meeting girls, that have popped up in the last 10-12 years have really done nothing positive.
The post is by Patur, mods.
At first I didn’t realize why you pointed this out but then I remembered:
Anyway, as to the substance of your critique:
The way the sentence was written, it means that girls are dating pictures as opposed to dating boys. Then I suggested that “dating” could be an adjective modifying “pictures” by which I meant that it would be saying that having pictures of girls dating (i.e. a picture of, a girl on a date) would help. Which actually would only make sense if there was an apostrophe. If that’s what you meant, then you are correct. Unless I decide to make this another exception to apostrophe rules (need I link the reference?). When I said that taking out the word “dating” would help, I was subject to the same apostrophe issue. If not for that though, the statement would work.
PAA:
One link to that page is enough for me today. 🙂
You can do it for posterity if you want to.
Your defense will be accepted once you come up with a way that “having pictures of girls dating (i.e. a picture of a girl on a date) would help,”
to justify understanding Lior’s statement that way.
Apushatayid, we were only quoting Lior and discussing
how his sentence should have been written. Lior actually said to PAA, “Please provide the quote with its full sentence as it is
out of context the way you chopped off half the comment,”
so I’ll do that for you now: “Girls dating pictures helps, basically, with boys looking for vanity.” – Lior
You can argue with that statement here if you want to:
http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/hasnt-gotten-a-date
Your defense will be accepted once you come up with a way that “having pictures of girls dating (i.e. a picture of a girl on a date) would help,”
to justify understanding Lior’s statement that way.
Do I have to assume that any statement someone makes is a logical argument?
When reading my comments you need a Rashi to fully understand it in its profound completeness.
I’m enjoying everyone’s svaras in darshening my comment.
Back in my dating days I once Googled the names of potential future in-laws, and it turned up a record with a substantial and disturbing criminal history. The person was presently incarcerated. After asking the shadchan, my suspicions were confirmed that this was indeed the parent of the girl in question. I had mixed feelings about it because the girl herself was not at fault, but I wasn’t particularly interested in the shidduch to begin with, and the backdrop of having such an in-law was just too much for me to handle, so I said ‘no’. I felt really bad for the girl, but you shouldn’t get married for pity. Googling has proved very useful in avoiding such situations. I think it’s a responsible and prudent thing to do, and not at all unreasonable.
That being said, one should be careful to make sure to validate that the results they pull up indeed belong to the person they are looking into. I know that when Googling my uncommon name it pulls up some guy’s Facebook with photos of all his drinking, smoking, and clubbing activities… it’s not me.
No, but I would reject an understanding of another person’s
words that I cannot at all understand the reasoning behind
(unless there is no alternative, which happens sometimes).
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