"LOVE" IN CRISIS

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  • April 18, 2012 8:37 pm at 8:37 pm #602974
    awarenessvaad
    Participant

    People say “I LOVE YOU”

    What do they mean?

    When 2 people meet and eventually find themselves emotionally bonded to each other, they then decide to get married.

    What has taken place?

    Accordingly, I now feel emotionally connected.

    This really means, that since I feel that I am getting my needs fulfilled, I therefore feel that I want to be connected to you forever.

    This is all about receiving, not about giving.

    This in itself is a 100% ok ( not at all wrong) because we all need to get our needs met, as long as one vital condition is fulfilled;

    .

    WHEN DOES IT GO ALL-WRONG?

    This really means that I now feel that I am not getting my needs met (although I am not consciously aware of this)!!!!!

    This explains why marriage is in crisis.

    http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/marriage-in-crisis

    April 19, 2012 2:13 pm at 2:13 pm #869249
    yungerman1
    Participant

    Can you use your thesis to explain the love for a child?

    April 19, 2012 3:49 pm at 3:49 pm #869250
    awarenessvaad
    Participant

    TO yungerman1 What is your opinion?

    April 19, 2012 5:05 pm at 5:05 pm #869251
    always runs with scissors fast
    Participant

    I think that once you adore and admire all those wonderful qualities in the other person, and therefore feel fulfilled being close to them, hence calling that love, it is entirely spontaneous and natural that you’d want to give and serve back to the other person.

    April 19, 2012 5:08 pm at 5:08 pm #869252
    zahavasdad
    Participant

    Tis better to have love and lost than never to have loved at all

    April 19, 2012 6:33 pm at 6:33 pm #869253
    yungerman1
    Participant

    I dont have a clear explanation for the love, other than the root word of Ahava which is to give. (The root is not self awareness of ones own needs). I dont mean to cop out but it may just the the nature that Hashem created that a parent loves a child. (I may have saw this somewhere).

    I disagree with your fundamental basis that people do not have self awareness of their own needs.

    April 20, 2012 12:24 am at 12:24 am #869254
    yitayningwut
    Participant

    yungerman1 – How would you explain the usage of the word ahava with regards to Shechem’s feelings toward Dinah, and Amnon’s toward Tamar?

    This is my opinion:

    http://www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/a-question-about-being-self-centered/page/2#post-288105

    April 20, 2012 8:03 am at 8:03 am #869255
    awarenessvaad
    Participant

    TO zahavasdad: I believe its better to realise and allow yourself to experience, that your initial feelings are about receiving which is referred to as LOVE OF SELF and then work the rest of your life on creating “love of other”. (which I believe is the correct way to approach a Torahdicker marriage) and then HAVING AND NOT LOOSING IT because one is steadily creating it,

    than living temporarily with an illusion of having real love and then feeling that you lost something that in reality you never had in the first place.(which is the non Jewish way of getting married by “falling in love”)

    LOVE OF SELF is not wrong in itself.On the contrary, one needs to get ones needs met before one is able to give to the other their needs.

    April 20, 2012 9:22 am at 9:22 am #869256
    awarenessvaad
    Participant

    TO yungerman1 “I disagree with your fundamental basis that people do not have self awareness of their own needs.”

    Self awareness does not mean just “knowing” ones needs.Its also “feeling”it.

    For example. I want/need to go for a walk but I do`nt like going on my own so I want to ask a friend to join me.

    Before I approach him I am aware that I am liable to put pressure on him to join me b/c I want/need to go but I know it`s wrong to do so. Accordingly, I say to myself that if he says that he is tired ,I wont respond that the fresh air will wake you up.

    I realise that he may not be in the mood for a walk now(just like I myself am not always in the mood for it)

    or something else is going on in his life that he does not want to share with me and therefore this is “his way” of getting out of going(just like I myself respond in a similar fashion to others when I am in a similar situation).

    Accordingly,I am prepared to hear a “no” and then decide if I should ask someone else or go it on my own.

    When will a person act in such a way?

    When he`s aware that he needs not to pressured to do things for others on other occasions.

    When hes aware that he needs to be given “space” when requests are made by others.

    This kind of behaviour is referred to as “Giving”.(Changing oneself in order to give)

    This is the meaning of “Love your neighbour like you love Yourself”

    This kind of self awareness one does not posses naturally.

    April 20, 2012 9:49 am at 9:49 am #869257
    awarenessvaad
    Participant

    TO always runs with scissors fast: “I think that once you adore and admire all those wonderful qualities in the other person, and therefore feel fulfilled being close to them, hence calling that love, it is entirely spontaneous and natural that you’d want to give and serve back to the other person.”

    What you call love is correct. It is “love of self”

    It`s not WRONG in itself as I explained to zahavasdad.

    You are right in saying that you want to give and serve the other.

    At this point of time, since what one is really experiencing(subconsciously)is just love of self,the motivation to give to the other stems from the pleasure of “receiving.”

    Once I do not feel my needs “of receiving” are being met( which is referred to as “falling out of love”) then my motivation to give and serve ceases.

    April 20, 2012 10:03 am at 10:03 am #869258
    awarenessvaad
    Participant

    TO yungerman1: As you say, the love for a child is not man made so the interaction between parent and child is different.

    April 20, 2012 12:28 pm at 12:28 pm #869259
    awarenessvaad
    Participant

    TO yungerman1 P.S. Its not totally different.There are similarities but its a topic on its own.

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