teens doing chesed

Can you please rephrase that question in English?

The Wolf

Banana123, get your priorities straight! As a school girl, studies would seem to come first. However, we are living in a world with other people and we always have to think of others. Chesed doesn’t have to be in big actions if you don’t have the time for that. A smile, a nice word, picking up litter, sharing, caring, praying for others – are all chesed in “little” ways.

We have to go out of our way to help others, and depending at what stage of life we are at, how far that will be taken.

If you’re asking if you should “make up” for it later on in life, well, what makes you think you may have more time than? If you’re seriously out to help others, you can at whatever stage you’re up to, in a way that will doing all you can according to that stage of life.

Banana, do you help at home? Chessed starts at home. If you have a big family and can help your mother, siblings, then that is a place to start. They will also have more understanding of your situation with your studies. Obviously if good grades comes with a little more difficulty than you obviously have to put more effort into your studies than one of those genius girls who seemingly never have to study (grr). Life is all about balance. One other suggestion is to think if there are any chessed projects you could do at school, like help a girl study for a test, you know, someone who has a very hard time getting good grades. You might think that it will be a waste of your time, but I always found that teaching someone else the material is the best way to review it myself. You could have a pen/pencil gemach in your class or something else like that. You shouldn’t stress your self over not having enough time to do the chessed that you think you should be doing. You might already be doing a great job.

Hi Banana123.

You are obviously a very conscientious person, and at such a young age, that is very impressive.

My only suggestion is that your plan seems feasible to me. You are putting a lot of time into your studies, which is important, and you only have so many hours a day.

To me, you seem to have the makings of a true tzadekas, and that benefits all of us. I want to thank you for that.

Ultimately, I would say to ask a morah or a rebbe and they can ask you more pertinent questions about your day and schedule and give better advice on how to use your time.

Hatzlacha!

Oh Banana, I feel for you. Unfortunately I am a mother who does yell at her kids (wish I didn’t), and if yours yells at you when do you try to help and you aren’t perfect (clumsy is such a difficult thing for a teenage girl – I remember because I was one once). Your self esteem probably takes a beating and you figure out that you’re best off not even starting. It is great that you help with the shopping, since that is for sure a help for your mother and it gets done in a way that you’re not under her watchful eye while doing it. So that’s a tremendous thing. You’re off to a great start.

But I will say that I understand where that “laziness” about helping comes about, since demands for perfection make you tired before you even start, so why even bother, right? How about trying to keep your things and your bedroom cleaned up so that she’ll have one less area to pay attention to. She’s not everywhere in the house at one time, so you can work on your room when she’s not there.

My other points do stand though, and definitely keep up with your studies. I do remind my teenage daughters, though, that their chosson is not going to ask to see their report cards, so don’t sweat it. You want to get into a good sem (the right one for you) so grades do matter more for you than they do for my daughters, so just stick with the little chessed projects for now and wait until you’ve gotten through the school portion of your life to take on bigger projects.

Chin up, I’m sure you’re a great girl if you’re worrying about doing chessed (and you could try taking an exercise/dance class to help with clumsiness also – they help a lot with coordination).

You must not live in Toronto…..the amount of Chesed that Bais Yaakov High School in Toronto does is ABNORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!! They seriously like take care of the city! From tomchei shabbos to bikur cholim and kiruv to special needs and a lot more….The work they do is incredible and I think every single girl in the school feels she does a tremendous amount!!!

in my school we have a diffrent grade for chesed! if we dont do it enogh and our people call our school adn tell them we can fail and it seems really unfair!!! i mean i know chesed is a great thing but as a teenage girl that is going to a school (frum) that is also good and known for being accadamic in both limuday chodesh and chol it is hard to stay consistent with times! I think not having enought time in the day is a stuggle for most:(

I used my hs years for community chessed (and earning money) instead of studying because I felt more productive being involved in chesed projects than studying endlessly; I simply enjoyed it more. I justified it: when I get married, my chesed will be mostly limited to my family, so I’d better ‘chap arein’ now.

When I got involved in chesed projects in seminary, my principal firmly told me that I had come to learn, so I limited my chesed to setting up for Shalom Zachors and Kiddushim.

In retrospect, I do not think my way is a good one for most girls, and I encourage my own daughter to balance chesed and studying, with studying as her current priority.

As my sem principal explained to me: when you really want to do something, it’s probably the yetzer hara, and you should do the opposite.

Since I wanted very much to be involved in projects outside of learning at a time when I should focus on learning, the best thing for me was to learn and help others as the doped up one mentioned above: by learning with weaker students or socially challenged girls.

You have to figure out what your needs are and what is the best way to fill them.

Some people have a greater need to give or do, and if you cannot fill that need at home, you should find a good way to channel it.