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Hi to all,
i wouldl love to hear about which minhagim you take on from the husbands side and which from the wife?
i know that the wife gotta go by her hubs minhagim, but i don’t believe that is with everything.
baby: The halacha is that the wife accepts all her husbands minhagim. The husband must keep all his minhagim and mesora.
The wife is to take on her husband’s minhagim. If she wants to be machmir on something with his consent then kol hakavod. But she cant decide to continue eating gebrokts for example if he doesnt, and he cant decide to eat gebrokts because she did. (Unless he asks his LOR and is matir neder)
When we got married I was davening nusach Maharitz and my wife nusach Ashkenaz. She started using Maharitz also then, however, since we moved to Gateshead, she switched back to Ashkenaz. The Rov said that is completely fine since pretty much everyone else in Gateshead uses Ashkenaz. (Besides, Maharitz is very close to Ashkenaz – much closer than Sfard, it’s halfway in between Ashkenaz and Sfard).
Yungerman, according to the Gra someone who does not eat gebruchts is mevatel simchat Yom Tov (and to drive his point home he used to hang a kneidlach in his window – Rav Soloveichik would eat matza ball soup on his porch in full view of passers-by) so lechora he would not even require a hatart nedarim from someone who wants to change. As to the general question, very often couples combine minhagim where they are not inconsistent. For example, many Ashkenazi/Sephaaradi couples have both a berit Yitzchak (where they read portions on berit mila from the Zohar and make every food beracha) and a shalom zachar.
The wife takes on her mother’s minhagim regarding the mitzvos that are primarily her’s – T’villa, Hafrashas Challah, Hadlokas Neiros.
Avi K-I used Gebrokst as an example. But to respond to your post, I would not advise anyone to eat gebrokst on pesach just because other Rabbonim hold its mutar if his minhag is otherwise.
Also, “very often couples combine minhagim where they are not inconsistent” is that a halachic decision???? I am not saying there is anything wrong with taking a positive minhag from your spouse. But for the husband to drop a minhag because its not his wifes minhag should need a psak from a Rav.
An ashkenazi friend of mine that is not so frum, married a sefardi girl, and recently told me now he eats rice on pesach =WRONG! although I’m not sure if he’s completely going against halacha by doing this… after all it is mutter by some…
Minhagim used to be geographic. When a woman got married and moved to her husband’s city, she would follow the same Minhagim that her husband was already following.
I had a tune for Maoz Tzur that I learned in yeshiva that I liked greatly. My wife’s family, however, used the traditional tune.
In our (now married) house, we switch off tunes.
Yeah, I know… I’m sure that someone will tell me that I’m transgressing some Y’hareg V’al Ya’avor by using my wife’s tune half the time.
Too bad.
The Wolf
Yugarman1, gebrocht isn’t mutar, it’s the halacha!!
dash, but where does it say in the shulchan Orech that a wife has to follow her husband’s derech??? marriage is a partnership, inorder to get closer to hashem, not a power-trip… okay, I’m not saying I believe in = rights, men and women each have work cut out, however following certain wife minhagim as aposed to husband minhagim, is that going against the shulchan orech?? if so does anyone have proof for this?? ok minhag yisrael kahalacha, but how did this following the husband minhagim come about?? personally I don’t fancy my wife bowing down to me…
Lesschumras- while that may be true the MINHAG of many is to not eat gebrokst.
Did you know that the Chofetz Chaim didn’t eat gebrokst?
Can you The Chassidishe Gatesheader explain me what Nusach Maharitz is? since I have never heard of it.
If it is closer to our beloved Nusach Ashkenaz than Sefard, but not all the way there with our treasured Nusach Ashkenaz, does this imply:- Boruch She’omar before Hodu? Boruch She’omar after Hodu? or both concurrently? or 1 day before Hodu & the next day after Hodu?
BTW your remark An Israeli Chareidi is Halachically correct. Sometimes a woman has a hard time changing her Iwrit pronouncation or Nusach, is is allowed to continue praying her father’s Nusach, albeit clearly this ain’t so for her children.
I cannot emphasize strongly enough how important it is to ask halocha sheilos to a rav. When people make guesses as to what they think the halocha is they are bound to make mistakes.
I cannot emphasize strongly enough how important it is to ask halocha sheilos to a rav. When people make guesses as to what they think the halocha is they are bound to make mistakes.
I am not bothering my rav with a shaila about what tune I should use for Maoz Tzur.
The Wolf
Yungerman: Can you source where we know that about the CH”CH from? It seems very strange. Gebrochts is, at the very best, Minhag that is a Chumra B’li Ta’am.
Sam: The CC didn’t eat gebrochts. See Dugmas M’darchei Avi p.30. The Steipler also didn’t eat gebrochts. See Orchas Rabbeinu 2:49 p.50. Rav Yaakov Kamenetzky’s minhag was not to brok. See B’mechitzas Rabbeinu p.137.
more:
My previous post was not in response to you but it does adresses your last question.
Greatest: It is Mefursam the reason why R’ Kamenetzky didn’t keep Gebrochts, and it had nothing to do with a Minhag that started in the 17th century.
Greatest, according to Rav Yaakov’s Artscroll biography he adopted that minahg because he used it as excuse not to eat by someone without offending or embarrassing him. He then kept it so as not to ahve told a lie. His second wife was Chassidic so that may also have been a consideration.
The wolf: what tune to sing is not a minhag – be my guest and change to a new tune every year…
Avi K- This conversation has gone way off topic. Strictly speaking gebrochts is muttar. Many have the chumra not to. Its a moot point.
The topic here is adopting minhagim, and you didnt address my post.
The wolf: what tune to sing is not a minhag – be my guest and change to a new tune every year…
I wouldn’t be surprised if there were some people who felt it was.
The Wolf
Wolf- Well actually, the tune Kohanim sing on yomim tovim during birchos kohanim is a minhag and I dont think they can change it.
WolfishMusings,
The wolf: what tune to sing is not a minhag – be my guest and change to a new tune every year…
I wouldn’t be surprised if there were some people who felt it was.
And why would this bother you?
And why would this bother you?
Because then, according to that opinion, I am, once again, doing something wrong.
The Wolf
WolfishMusings,
Because then, according to that opinion, I am, once again, doing something wrong.
Ok… but why would that bother you?
WolfishMusings,
Because then, according to that opinion, I am, once again, doing something wrong.
To take this one step further…
According to some, it is not ok to eat gebrockts on Pesach because of the concern that some flour left on the matzah will become chometz once the matzah is made wet. According to others, there is no concern about this, and on the contrary, to avoid gebrockts is wrong because you are reducing your simchas hachag.
According to some, a married woman should not cover her hair with a sheital, because others may confuse it with her own hair. According to others, a married woman should wear a sheital, because (as I heard it), if the president of the United States came in the room, a woman in a tichel would be tempted to remove it so as to not look foreign or strange in front of somebody so important, but a woman in a wig would not dare remove the wig, which would be incredibly embarrassing.
When Pesach comes, you have to eat something. When your wife goes out, she has to have something on her head. Can’t please everyone all the time!
For some reason, I don’t feel that such contradictions threaten my belief in Judaism. So what if somebody down the street things I’m doing something wrong?
I don’t feel that such contradictions threaten my belief in Judaism.
I don’t let such contradictions threaten my belief in Judaism either. My belief in Judaism is quite strong. My belief in myself, on the other hand, is not.
The Wolf
Avram: I like to take it further than that. According to some Rishonim (Rashi and several Ba’alei Hatosafos) we are all Apikorsim because we believe that HKBH doesn’t have a body (See the Rash on Chavivin Adam Shenivra B’tzelem if I recall correctly). According to many Rishonim (Rav Saadiah, the Rambam, and everyone who followed their line) we would all be Apikorsim if we believed that HKBH does have a body. We manage to get through that while still being fine Jews. So why should we worry about what everyone says on everything else. We Pasken like our Mesorah and some other people have Kulos and some have Chumros. That doesn’t make anyone any better or worse than anyone else. It just means they Pasken differently.
Rav Simcha Kook (of Rechovos/Rechovot) tells that his son asked permission to do hataras neder so that he could eat gebroks at his father’s-in-law house. Rav Kook told him he doesn’t need reshus and he doesn’t need hatars nederim. His father said that his minhag is and was to eat gebroks.
His wife’s minhag is to refrain from gebroks. He explained that his wife runs the kitchen and cooks like she was taught. Of course the Rav continued, I eat what the wife prepares.
Here’s a variation on the question about following minhagim, only this applies to the child. A young boy attends a Day School where they place a lot of emphasis on Ivrit. His parents are both Ashkenaz, although his Maternal grandmother is Sefardi. The mom emphasizes that side. Now the boy gets up to lein for his Bar Mitzvah, and leins in Ivrit, tuf not sof et al. Is he confusing his minhagim?
WolfishMusings,
My belief in Judaism is quite strong.
according to that opinion
there were some people who felt
I’m sure that someone will tell me that I’m transgressing
I doubted a story about a woman being in a coma for 73 years and was called a Kofer for it
Because I’ve been told that all of those are violations of halacha in one way or another
This may come as a surprise to you, but Judaism is not defined as:
if(someone’s opinion is different from WolfishMusings’ opinion) {
WolfishMusings is doomed.
}
if(someone is an internet troll on YWN yelling “apikorus”) {
someone is a spokesman for authentic Judaism
see above
}
AWOB- He should follow whatever his fathers minhag is. Now if his paternal granfather had a sephardi nusach then he should ask his LOR.
Yungerman1, exactly. If his paternal grandfather davened Nusach Sephard, then so should his father, and hence, the boy himself. Fortunately, next year this young fellow is going to a Litvish Yeshiva where he may come to realize that his nusach is Ashkenaz. Only recently I pointed out to his father which nusach he’s supposed to be following, no matter how close he is to his maternal grandmother.
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